Cuyahoga Calling?

Someone from Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio visited the lair. Spent half an hour here.

Cuyahoga Falls, denizens. You know who comes from Cuyahoga Falls, right?

Right?

cuyahogabev

Osmotic squee!

[Yes, I’m such a dork that even seeing that someone from her hometown has visited me here has the power to make me squee. STFU.]

Drinking Up the Dregs of My Brain

End of the year. My brain is all over the place. Forgive me, denizens, if I fail to make sense.

Lots of flotsam, pushing at the edges of my noodly noggin, clawing for the chance to see the light of the lair.

If Scooby Doo had a sister, would her name be “Booby Doo”?

See that? That’s the kind of shiznit I would post if I had a Twitter account. Kind of makes you glad I don’t, eh?

My ImagiFriendsTM tweet. They tweet lovely, silly geekery that makes me giggle gloriously while glugging raktajinos spiked with rum. Don’t follow? Don’t worry. Spliff on this tweet:

Most people don’t realize Janeway’s voice is pure molten sex.

janeway

Oh HELLS yeah.

Award for most awesomest tweet of the year? Make it so. Even if tweeted in jest, it makes me that much prouder of my Janeway impersonation. Not that I do such a thing. Or would ever record doing such a thing for others to hear.

Heh.

Do any of you ever get the feeling that you’re only getting part of the picture when you come here to the lair? Like it’s a little window that doesn’t show you even half of what’s going on. In the night. In the dark. There’s a whole lot more going on in the shadows…you just have to wait for me to invite you deeper.

I’m not feeling fa-la-la-festive just yet. Where’s Dr. Noel when I need a little injection of holiday cheer? Oh yeah. Kirk found her under the mistletoe. Guess he’s decorating her Jefferies tube now. Where does he store that photon torpedo?

OMG, Trexual innuendo!

I’m usually surly around this time of year. I don’t know why. I suppose I’m an emotional Scrooge in some ways. Mmm, portmanteau: Scrooge = Screw + Gouge. Did I impress anyone with my word nerdery just then? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

I used to decorate my door here at work. Truth? I only did it for the Benjamins. Well, the door prize, really. I only won once though. Want to see the sexy that won?

bouncerrudy

He’s R

I Think You Should Have Made a Left at Amphipolis…

7of9_xena

…because that blond woman next to you ain’t Gabrielle.

Want to know the sad truth about this photo? Not only did I immediately recognize it as from a photo shoot done for TV Guide back in, I believe, 1997…but I also actually have the TV Guide that had this as its cover photo.

Yes, I am one of those people who used to save TV Guides. Back in the day when they were the little Reader’s Digest-sized things, not the groovy magazine-style format they are today. I have more of these things saved than I care to confess at this time.

This post isn’t about me embarrassing myself (more than usual) with silly packrat confessions, however. This post is instead to share with my geeky denizens the wonder of TrekCore.com. Particularly their Rare Photos section. There are some excellent photos all throughout the site, but I especially enjoyed scoping out the rarities and seeing sides of some of my favorite Trek characters/actors that weren’t often seen.

Like Seven of Nine looking like she’s about to feel up Xena. Seriously, what’s up with that awkward pose? I get that the photographer was trying to showcase the Borg implants on her hand…but doesn’t it look like she’s about to reach out and grab a handful of copper breastplate? And where exactly is Xena’s other hand? What the hell is going on in this photo?!

To find the answers to these and many more burning questions, I strongly suggest you follow the above links and check out TrekCore for yourself.

[Okay, so none of the above questions will be answered at TrekCore, but you should still go there. Loba’s orders.]

You Really Shouldn’t Take That Out In Public

I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things (I’m sure you hadn’t noticed). And most of the time, my opinions go against the “popular” opinion (again, really?). I know, therefore, to keep my honest comments about these things to myself. It’s how I’ve survived as many football seasons as I have without being defenestrated by pissed-off Redskins fans.

Sometimes, though, I forget to keep my facial expressions in check. Sometimes, my autonomic response system is simply too fast for my brain.

So, to the grown woman in the airport on Friday who quickly hid her copy of New Moon under her coat when she saw how I was looking at her before my brain could set my facial expression back to “neutral”: Good. You should be embarrassed to be reading that shit.

[I hope you all know that I’m crying a little on the inside for actually being happy that I discouraged someone from reading. That goes against everything I hold dear about literature.

Oh, wait. It wasn’t literature. It was a Stephenie Meyer book. Never mind.]

dude_twilight

ZomBev

So I’m not seeing a big increase in hits based on my previous zombie references. Maybe I’m not being specific enough. Maybe I should have said something like Zombie Barbie. Or Rob Zombie.

Or maybe I should combine zombies with the one topic that has proven, much to my geeky delight, to bring in the most hits to the lair: Gates McFadden.

I kid you not, denizens: Teh Interwebz is full of love for the Dancing Doctor. Thanks to a couple of incoming links, my Flood Gates posting is by far more popular than anything else I have written here since the lair’s relaunch. My own love for the lovely doctor is such that I am perfectly okay with this fact.

However, this leaves me in a bit of a quandary. I’d hate for my ImagiFriendsTM to be incorrect in their supposition about the popularity of zombies. So, after a bit of thought (and apparently too much spare time), I’ve come up with a satisfactory solution: I simply have to combine the two.

Therefore, I present to you…Zombie Dr. Crusher. Or, more in line with my affinity for portmanteaux, ZomBeverly.

ZomBev

I’m sorry if this distresses anyone, especially considering how this is supposed to be the festive holiday season…not the festering one. But I’ve been a bit absent in my blogging lately, and I noted a distinct drop in numbers because of this. So please forgive me for what I acknowledge is a pathetic attempt to increase the number of hits I log each day.

Of course, you do realize that if this works, I might end up making this a regular feature in which I turn various other Trek characters into zombies. Ooh, or maybe I’ll start turning Dr. Crusher into characters from various other movies, shows, and books! I like that idea much more.

Not that I’ve given it any sort of serious thought or anything…

Comfort Clothing

Haven’t really been in a talkative type-ative mood as of late…although I did remember to set my Flashback Friday to publish. I was very proud of myself for that (not for knowing how to set it to publish, but for remembering to set it…I think all my time with the Captain is wrecking my memory, denizens).

[Okay, here’s a tangent for you: Why do all the alcohol Web sites make you plug in your birthdate before you can surf their site? I’m sure it’s for some ridiculous legal reason (doesn’t that sum up most legal reasons though?), but all it is is ridiculous.]

The weather has turned a bit maudlin this week, which leaves Loba feeling pensive and introspective. You know, unlike how I am most of the time. It also has left me craving comfort clothes. No, not “com-for-ta-ble” clothes. Comfort clothes. Like comfort food, only not edible. Although possible tasty.

[Tangent 2: The slow pronunciation of the word “comfortable” is the unspoken punchline of perhaps my favorite blonde joke ever. I’d be happy to tell it to you all next time we meet up at Central Perk for coffee.]

Right now, I’m wearing a comfort sweater. It’s chocolate brown and made of a material that feels like I skinned a Gund plush toy. Guess that’s why I call this my “teddy bear” sweater. I was so pleased with it when I first bought it that I went around to some coworkers and encouraged them to “pet my sweater.” Subsequently, I believe that I was the inspiration for a new “pet me” scenario in my company’s sexual harassment training.

In the evenings, I’ve been snuggling up in a gray and black Tasmanian Devil hooded shirt that I bought when I was a high school senior. It’s not a sweatshirt per se…just a long-sleeved cotton shirt to which the manufacturer added a hood. Thanks to my anal-retentive laundry skillz, it still looks pretty decent. The black has faded only minimally and the Taz logo is still intact, although it does look like it’s had the “craquelure” filter applied to it (w00t to my PhotoShop geeks on this one).

I love this shirt. It’s baggy, warm, and floppy…exactly what I want to change into after I work out and want “down time” clothes. Same with my red fleece pajama pants with the polar bears all over them. Warm, snuggly-soft, and cute to boot!

Comfort clothes, people. Comfort clothes.

Everyone’s got them. I know someone who has a pair of comfort sweatpants that are worn so thin you could watch television through the fabric (although why bother when you can just pick one of the myriad monster-truck-sized holes for your viewing pleasure?). Doesn’t matter, though. They’re comfort sweats. Anything to make the increasingly cold and dreary autumnal fade into winter a bit more tolerable.

So I’m snuggly-warm in my teddy bear sweater, counting down the hours until it’s Taz hoodie time. And, no, I don’t invite coworkers to pet me anymore. Denizens, however, are a different story…

Trigger Treat!

We've opted not to dress up this Halloween.
We've opted not to dress up this Halloween.

One of my favorite vignettes from my dad’s childhood is his first Halloween. Because he was dressed as a cowboy, he thought he was supposed to knock on people’s doors and say, “Trigger Treat” rather than “Trick or Treat.” Apparently, he thought he was Roy Rogers that night…and if none of this makes any sense to you whatsoever, all I can say is welcome to my brain.

Anywho. HAPPY HALLOWEEN, denizens! No matter what your plans are for this festively festering holiday, I hope you have a howling great time! As for your lupine mistress, I’m opting for a quiet evening in with the Collective. We shall be viewing one of our favorite horror movies. We simply haven’t decided which one that will be just yet. But we can assure you that it will be one of the films from the following list of Loba’s Most Viewed Scary Movies.

Perhaps a few on this list might feel worn out and trite. I will be the first to admit that there are a few that I stopped watching after a while, simply because so many other movies began copying their style and they lost their horror-ific appeal. However, once the unforgiving glare of Hollywood hype and imitation dies away, the originals always rise once more, like the ever-resilient undead rising from the boggy swamps to feed once more on tasty, tasty brains.

This list is in alphabetical order since there’s no way that I could put them in order of love (I love them all so very much), but I had to put them in some kind of order. The Collective craves order, you know. Also, you may note that some of the movies that I have already claimed to love are not on this list. These would include The Exorcist, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Pet Sematary, and Poltergeist. Both because of the fact that I’ve already discussed them at length before and because they are each must-see classics of the genre (yeah, I’d even put Pet Sematary in this class if only because of its campy, crusty goodness), I’ve left them off this list. That should in no way be inferred as me disparaging them in any way. In fact, if you haven’t seen any of these movies, ignore the following list and take care of watching these first. That’s an order.

Oh, one more thing…there are no bloody remakes here. I’m a strong believer of the “If it ain’t broke…back the hell off” mindset, especially when it comes to the movies on this list. The originals are inimitable and irreplaceable.

  1. Black Christmas
    • This 1974 Canadian import has all the marks of a really cheesy slasher flick: It takes place in a sorority, with a bunch of giggly, jiggly drinking girls. It’s got an over-the-top villain who likes to make obscene phone calls to said girls. It also utilizes a twist toward the end that, without revealing what it is, has been used again and again in so many horror movies. Oh, and the ending itself…I love horror movies that end like this one did. The one thing that this movie has that all its imitators don’t is the fact that all these things that sound like horror movie cliches were new and original for Black Christmas, which is considered to be the first “slasher” movie to hit the genre with all its blood-soaked gory…er, glory. Look for Olivia Hussey, Margot Kidder, and a surprisingly dramatic Andrea Martin. Plus, John Saxon shows up as “The Helpful Cop,” a role that he will make even more famous to the genre when he returns as Nancy Thompson’s cop dad in A Nightmare on Elm Street. Here’s the original trailer. Personally, I think this trailer gives away too much and really doesn’t do the movie much justice.
  2. The Blair Witch Project
    • What I love most about this movie is the fact that so many people were convinced that it was real. This is one of the earliest “mockumentary” films that I can remember. I also love that this was filmed right here in Maryland. Finally, something good comes from the Old Line State! Yes, the actors who star in it hit the “overact” button way too often, and that detracts a bit, but look beyond that and you will find a fundamentally sound and strong and truly terrifying story. And it’s all presented without ever showing you a thing. Sometimes it’s all about atmosphere, and that’s the key word for this gem. The only really negative thing I can say about it, beyond the acting and the still-sour taste of its overdrive hyping, is that it can make you nauseous if you get easily jarred by frenetic motion. My advice is to pop some Dramamine and settle in for a great, old-fashioned scary campfire tale.

    Blair Witch Bonus: In 1999, the Cartoon Network put together the following bumpers that they played during commercial breaks for their 25-hour Scooby Doo marathon. Someone pieced together all the bumpers for “The Scooby Doo Project” and placed them on YouTube, much to my Scooby-loving delight. Hope you enjoy, too!

  3. Candyman
    • I had a difficult time deciding which Clive Barker movie I wanted on this list. I love Hellraiser and I think that Pinhead is one of the most loquacious villains to ever come from the dark underworld. But Candyman is like no other. Set in Chicago’s Cabrini Green projects, this movie dares to present us with possibly the first (and only?) horror movie villain to arise from a completely urban setting. Freddy, Jason, Michael…these guys all hang in the ‘burbs or at summer camps. But Candyman rises from areas that most would stamp with phrases like “slum” or “urban blight.” His story, in another genre, would be filled with pathos and tenderness. In this setting, Barker turns him into a silver-tongued slayer, whose silken tones capture and hypnotize his prey into a willingness to “be my victim.” Plus, Tony Todd is quite simply made of awesome. Without him as the eponymous “writing on the wall…whisper in the classroom,” I don’t think this movie would have been nearly as wonderful as it was.
  4. Carnival of Souls
    • This 1962 classic is the only Hollywood-level feature film ever made by director Herk Harvey. He made mostly documentary and educational films for Centron Productions in Lawrence, Kansas. While coming back from a shoot in California, he passed by the abandoned remains of Saltair, an amusement pavilion built in 1894 on the banks of Salt Lake in Utah. He was so fascinated by the image of this place against the dusk sky that when he got back to Lawrence, he asked Centron coworker John Clifford to write him a script that would end with “a dance of the dead” at this abandoned pavilion. The end result is one of my all-time favorite horror movies. Starring Candace Hilligoss as organist Mary Henry and Harvey himself as “The Man,” this movie builds a perfectly chilling atmosphere. There are no budget-breaking special effects or CGI freak-outs. But that’s the beauty of this movie: It lives as testament that you can make an absolutely enthralling and chilling film with no bells or whistles. Just some awesome organ music and an abandoned amusement park.
  5. Halloween
    • The ultimate cliche, no? Recommending Halloween for Halloween viewing? Pay no attention to the sequels or the remakes. They can only serve to detract from what I think is one of the greatest horror movies ever made. In fact, I would place this at nearly the top of my list. Together, John Carpenter and Debra Hill wrote a solid, satisfyingly scary script, which Carpenter brought to life in high cinematic style. He may have been on the ultimate of shoestring budgets when he was filming, but you sure can’t tell by looking at it. He knew the dimensions of his shots better than most directors, and he utilized every inch of the frame to full and frightening effect. One of my absolute favorite scenes from this movie is a perfect example of this talent and involves nothing more than two of the actors, a darkened hallway and a blue light bulb. Michael Myers is without a doubt my favorite “boogeyman” and the fact that he wears a slightly altered Captain Kirk mask throughout makes him even more awesome. Plus, you can witness Jamie Lee Curtis’s birth as “The Scream Queen.” As for the remake that wanted to “explore the makings of Michael Myers,” there’s no need. Dr. Loomis explains it to us perfectly: “I met him 15 years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this 6-year-old child with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes… the Devil’s eyes. I spent 8 years trying to reach him, and then another 7 trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply…evil.” Good enough for me, Doc.
  6. The Haunting
    • If all you’ve ever seen is the 1999 remake of this movie, I’m so very sorry. If ever there was a reason why Hollywood shouldn’t attempt to remake a classic, that piece of fecal crust is my prime example. It defiles the name of a double-hitter joy for me: An exquisitely executed horror movie based on one of my favorite scary novels. Director Robert Wise bought the rights for the story after reading Shirley Jackson’s novel, The Haunting of Hill House, and later met with the author to discuss how she envisioned this story being brought to life on the screen. She is in fact the one who told him that one of the original titles she considered for her novel was the abbreviated “The Haunting.” What makes this movie work so well for me is the cinematography. Wise creates palpable atmosphere (I keep using that word in all these reviews! Atmosphere, atmosphere, atmosphere! Trumps blood and gore any day) with skewed camera angles, close-ups, twisting imagery, haunting establishing shots, all surrounding the eeriest effing house you can imagine. Even if you aren’t frightened by the story itself, I’d urge anyone interested in filmmaking to check this out to observe how master directors roll. Literally and figuratively.
  7. Identity
    • “As I was going up the stair / I met a man who wasn’t there. / He wasn’t there again today / I wish, I wish he’d go away.” This is admittedly an odd pick, and not one that stands up to multiple viewings. I was going to place The Sixth Sense here for the “twist at the end” film, but I decided that was too predictable. So here instead is this 2003 offering with its fairly impressive cast, including John Cusack, Ray Liotta, Amanda Peet, Alfred Molina, Rebecca De Mornay, Clea DuVall, John C. McGinley, Jake Busey, and Pruitt Taylor Vince, who has made quite an impressive career out of his nystagmus (it’s a condition that causes your eyes to shift involuntarily). I love the big reveal at the end and still think that it was quite clever. But, like The Sixth Sense, you can only watch this one once for the scares. Any additional viewings will be just because you enjoy the story…which I do. It also sports one of the best “final lines” for any antagonist, which I quote quite frequently. What that says about me is fully up to interpretation.
  8. Scream
    • This one is a purely nostalgic pick for me. Anyone from my generation who grew up on a steady diet of horror movies will love this movie. Kevin Williamson created a smart, sharp, and genre-reverential wonder with this script. There are so many references to classic horror movies…Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Psycho, When a Stranger Calls, The Exorcist, Friday the 13th and much, much more…it’s a cornucopia of horror movie goodness, to be sure. Add to that some incredibly quotable lines throughout, pitch-perfect performances, and a musical cue near the beginning that will spell everything out for you if you’re paying close enough attention, and you have a recipe for a movie that I have watched almost as many times as the next film on my list.
  9. Silence of the Lambs
    • “Tell me, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?” Want to see the inspiration for Dana Scully? Even better, want to see my favorite Jodie Foster movie AND one of my favorite scary movies? Then pop in this 1991 gem from Jonathan Demme. Based on Thomas Harris’s second “Hannibal Lecter” book (although he was merely a bit player in Red Dragon), this movie is the only horror movie to ever win an Academy Award for Best Picture (it’s also in good company since only genre alums The Exorcist and Jaws have received nominations). I don’t even know how many times I’ve watched this movie, but I know that it’s well into the double digits by now. It is one of those perfect storm experiences: Amazing screenplay by Ted Tally; Oscar-winning directing by Demme; and brutally beautiful performance by EVERYONE, least of all being Foster, Anthony Hopkins (both of whom also won Oscars for this film), and Scott Glenn.
  10. What Lies Beneath
    • One of my favorite directors is Robert Zemeckis. He’s responsible for bringing some of my favorite movies to life, including Back to the Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Death Becomes Her (seriously, when are you ever going to release a special edition of this one, Robert? My patience is wearing thin…), Forrest Gump, Contact…all visually breathtaking movies in which he pushed the limits of the technological capabilities in the best possible ways. So is the case with this tale. I view this as one of the few horror movies in which the CGI and special effects are used in beautifully subtle ways, never drowning out the story but rather enhancing it in all the right ways. Bottom line: This is how horror movies should utilize CGI. Not as a fill-in for the fact that you don’t actually have a story to tell, but rather as ways to make your already scary story even more jump-inducing. Besides, how can you go wrong with Harrison Ford and Michelle Pfeiffer?

So there you go. I hope there’s something here that you might like to see. If not, then I will now direct you to my friend weathereye. He’s a horror hound as well, and he’s been running a Black October feature on his blog in which he’s reviewed a scary movie a day. If you can’t find something either here or at the Weather Station, then I don’t really know what to tell you 😉

I hope you all have a wonderful Halloween. Now, please excuse me. Turner Classic Movies is running a marathon of classic horror movies. I believe right now I have an appointment with The Abominable Dr. Phibes…

Totally Looks Like, Loba Geek Edition

Have you ever visited the site Totally Looks Like? It’s one of the blogs associated with FAILblog.org, which I love and link to on the right.

I’m willing to bet, at some point in Totally Looks Like’s history, someone has pointed out the following:

pn_km

Tell me that Patricia Neal doesn’t look like she could be Kate Mulgrew’s mother? Maybe Captain Janeway got her love of space travel from listening to all those wild stories about Klaatu and his robot Gort…

Want an even more obscure comparison? Okay, how about this one:

ch_ta

The woman on the left is Candace Hilligoss, who stars in one of my all-time favorite horror movies, Carnival of Souls. On the right is, of course, Tori Amos. The really ironic thing about this similarity is that Hilligoss plays an organist in Carnival of Souls, which is a lovely comparison to Tori’s piano skillz.

Okay, that’s all I really wanted to say. Please go back to your regularly scheduled normalcy 🙂

Wesley Crusher and the Magic Banana Clip!

Holy rainbow-striped sweaters, Batman! Is Loba at all capable of refraining from her dorky sci-fi blather? Or are visitors to the den destined to have to wade through the Trek flotsam that burbles up through her clickety-clackety typing more times than the acid reflux from Neelix’s attempt at “Beefy Bean Burrito Wednesday”?

For the love of all things interstellar, I just can’t stop myself. My Angry BloggerTM days are well behind me. I realize now that I spent way too much time reading and writing about things that angered me rather than things that amused or delighted me. As I’m sure many of you can tell (especially those of you who have followed me here to my new den [yes, my tracking software has pinpointed you numerous times now]), I’m making up for lost time and I’m all about living in the garden of geeky delights. Yes, it’s now time for my Geeky BloggerTM days, biatches…so glue on your nose ridges, strap on your phasers, and let’s get to it!

What’s got me all in a frothy nerd lather today? Wil Wheaton, of course. Our Man Crusher is at it again, in the literary sense. I know I’ve raved before about his book Just a Geek. This time I’m here to rave about his latest endeavor, Memories of the Future: Volume One. The book, priced at $19.87 (oh, come on now, tell Loba that you get why this book is set at precisely this price!), is all about Wil’s take on the first season of TNG. The upcoming second volume (salaciously subtitled “Volume Two”), will be all about…the second season. the second half of the first season.

Post-Purchase Edit

Yeah, so the first volume is only about Encounter at Farpoint through Datalore. Really? Almost 20 smackers for only half the first season? These all better be damned funny, Mr. Wheaton. DAMN FUNNY.

Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Blogging

Gather ’round, geeklings, while Loba lays some sad truth upon your possibly non-Trekkie ears: The first two seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation were generally quite craptastic. Seriously, they were abysmal. We TNG Trekkies know this. And, as Wil Wheaton proves through some damned fine (and HI-larious) storytelling, everyone else knew it, too. Well, he did. And that’s all that matters right now!

Yes, this book drops some spectacular stories, summaries, and silliness about all the craptacular episodes from TNG’s first season, as only our nerd hero can do. Wil takes the piss out of everyone and everything, including himself and his boy wonder alter-ego, Wesley Crusher.

I can’t say enough times how awesome I think Wil Wheaton is…he definitely growed up good, y’all. Don’t believe me? Amble on over to his blog and listen to the podcasts he’s done of excerpts from the first MotF. This link will take you to a blog post about the release of the book through Lulu as well as links to the first six podcasts he’s recorded. I dare you to listen to them and then report back that you didn’t almost wet yourself at least once. And if you do, I’ll call you a flat-out liar…or a soulless demon who must be banished from my den.

If you do like what you hear, I strongly encourage you to pony up and buy a copy of the book. I’m willing to bet there’s a goldmine of information there, even better than what Wil includes in his readings. I’m dropping the fundage for my own copy. And maybe one day, I’ll be lucky enough to get it signed by the Boy Wonder himself. And maybe he’ll even get me in to see his mom…I mean, Gates McFadden. Who played his mom. On the show. Which in no way resembles reality.

Yeah.

And if all this wasn’t enticement enough, here’s an image from Wil’s Flickr account that cracks me up each and every time I read it. Someone who really loves…and really gets Wesley Crusher put a lot of time and effort into this one. Never mind that the fonts make my eyes want to jump out of their sockets, never were truer words written about that GQ mofo, Wesley Crusher.

awesomecrusher