NO!!! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!

I just checked my tracking info and saw a highly disturbing keyword search, spawned by one of my recent Flashback Friday entries: “Poltergeist remake.”

NO!!!!!!!!!!!

Dammit, no. This is my perfection. This is the movie that placed me on my horror movie journey. This is my first. Now Hollywood is going to muck it up, like they did Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, and now Freddy Krueger. The Poltergeist remake hasn’t been cast yet, but MGM has announced that they’re hoping for a Thanksgiving 2010 release date.

Who do I have to contact in Hollywood to make them stop this? Some things shouldn’t be tampered with. This movie is one of them. What next from my childhood? Jaws? Gremlins? Adventures in Babysitting? “Don’t fuck with the babysitter” is more than just a line from the movie, guys.

All I have to say is this: If I hear even the tiniest rumbling of a rumor about Blade Runner being remade, something horrifying will happen. I’m not saying what, but it will involve cutlery and Tabasco sauce.