You ever re-watch a show after you’ve watched a different show, and you have this weird epiphany about how Character A from Show A looks eerily like Character B from Show B?

Have I completely lost you all? Wait…I promise this will make sense in a minute (and I mean “sense” in the loosest, Loba-iest meaning of the word).

So I’m watching/re-watching Twin Peaks right now. I put it this way because I admittedly didn’t finish watching it the first time it was on television. It came out when I was 13 and I really couldn’t be asked to follow something that bizarre and intricate when my biggest concerns were turning in my homework on time, not blowing up the science lab because of my wonky math skills, and not getting an in-school suspension because my skirt didn’t touch the floor when I got down on my knees.

(You think I’m kidding about that last part. Sadly, I’m not. And, sadly, I did get an in-school suspension around this time for this precise reason.)

Yeah, so Twin Peaks. I’m really digging it this time around in ways similar to how I hated Mulholland Drive the first time I saw it but now love it and think it’s one of the most awesome movies Lynch has ever made. But something that struck me as totally bizarre and completely amusing during this viewing is the fact that Nadine Hurley and Beverly Crusher could be twins.

Not like creepy The Shining twins. Actually…

Okay, no. That’s just too creepy.

However, look at this:

Okay? Now, look at this:

See what I mean? The only thing that really throws me off is that Nadine is way shorter than Dr. Crusher is. Other than that, these two are like sisters from another mister…only, you know, separated by about 400 years. And played by completely different actresses.

Whatever. All I know is that this makes me want to add an eye patch to every photo of Dr. Crusher I can find. Wouldn’t that have been awesome (even if slightly disturbing that the CMO of the Federation’s flagship would choose an eye patch over an ocular implant)? And there is precedent for cool eye-patchery: Saul Tigh, Snake Plissken, Commander Franky Cook from Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Elle Driver from Kill Bill…and let’s not forget General Chang, the Klingon with the eye patch bolted into his skull. See? Cool and badass.

I think Dr. Crusher would look awesome sporting an eye patch. Don’t you?

Bet you didn’t know that becoming the head of Starfleet Medical was a democratic process, did you? Look at all the fantastic things that Doctober is teaching you, denizens!

Anyway, this is Loba’s non-subtle way of reminding American denizens that a week from today is November 2, which means…time to vote!

(Sadly, however, you won’t be able to vote for Dr. Crusher. Although, if you’d like to use her as a write-in candidate, I can’t tell you not to. Just be sure to take a photo if you do 😉 )

I know, I know, politics. Yay. About as enjoyable as trying to give a cat a colonoscopy (there’s a visual I bet you wish you didn’t have in your head right now). But the political process is one that affects us all, even if it’s in subtle ways, every single day. Don’t think that because this isn’t a presidential election year that it isn’t important. In fact, I’d argue that local political issues are in many ways more important, because these are the politicians creating laws and making decisions that will impact you much closer to home.

And why am I saying all this a week before the actual day? To give you all time to start reading up on your local races. Don’t just toe your party’s line. Don’t turn on the television and see who slings the most mud in the most convincing ways. Learn what these people stand for, what they believe, what they want to bring to the table. Make smart decisions. But don’t be apathetic. Don’t shrug and say that you’re just one person. Too many people are doing just that. To paraphrase Edmund Burke, “All that is necessary for the triumph of stupidity is that smart people do nothing.”

So get involved, get informed, get out and vote. That is all.

I’m amazed it took me this long to come up with doing this one. The Silence of the Lambs is, after all, one of my favorite scary movies. And this is the month of Halloween as well as the month of Doctober.

“Tell me, Beverly, have the lambs stopped screaming?”

Could you imagine if someone ever tried to do a Star Trek/bodice ripper romance novel crossover? I wonder what something like that would look like.

Probably something like this…

Yeah, that looks about right to me. And by “right” I mean “Omigod, the horror that has been seen can never be unseen right up until my very last breath.”

I’m still not sure how “Sub Rosa” even made it into the queue of “Viable Options” for TNG scripts, let alone how it actually made it to the screen. Yes, denizens, as much as it pains me to say this, I’m going to have to ping this episode as one of the worst TNG episodes ever made…possibly even one of the worst Trek episodes ever made (although I couldn’t sleep well for a week after watching evolved/devolved Janeway and Paris doing things that captains should never do with their pilots o_O).

The fact that this was probably the one episode from all seven seasons of TNG that dealt the most with Dr. Crusher makes this realization even worse.

This is what I waited seven years for?

Sigh.

I’m not going to review the actual episode. I’m instead going to link you to this review, which pretty much covers the awfulness in a very honest and amusing way (this review is also from where I paraphrased the quote on the “cover” of my trashy novel). I will, of course, note that I do disagree with this reviewer’s supposition that this episode was so craptacular in part because Gates McFadden was lacking in acting ability. As I’ve pointed out in previous posts about her performance in “The Naked Now” and “The Big Goodbye,” I think she was more than capable of handling an episode by herself. Just not this episode. Seriously, I don’t even think Meryl Streep could have made this episode anything less than awful.

The author of the previously linked review describes “Sub Rosa” as “the nadir of Girlie Trek.” I think that’s pretty on-target. This episode offended me on several levels, least of which was the fact that when finally they decide to give Dr. Crusher an episode, it’s one of the least sci-fi and one of the least meaningful episodes ever written for TNG. Honestly, many Trek episodes are nothing more than morality tales (often rather thinly) disguised as science fiction. This one doesn’t even make it that high up the subtlety ladder…unless, of course, the moral of this one is “If a strange green gas starts coming out of a candle toward you, it’s probably best that you don’t let it sex you up.”

I can assure you, denizens, I didn’t need Trek to teach me this lesson.

I’ve asked this question numerous times, but I’ll ask it again here: Would this have ever passed as an episode idea for any of the other CMOs from any of the other shows? Would Dr. McCoy have ever been asked to writhe around on a bed as he’s pleasured by an “anaphasic energy” entity? What about Dr. Bashir? Not seeing it?

Neither am I.

For all its praise as a forward-thinking, progressive show, Trek was staunchly misogynistic in undeniable ways, and episodes like “Sub Rosa” reveal this truth in ugly and demeaning ways. Yes, women were allowed to do more than bring the captain his coffee in TNG, but if this is what you think passes as good sci-fi for women viewers, then perhaps you should head on over to Caprica and see if they need writers.

Meow.

Beyond these issues, the bottom line is, “Sub Rosa” is just bad. What makes this even worse is that it didn’t have to be awful. This could have been a cracking “ghost” story. It also could have been a more thorough examination of all the questions surrounding Dr. Crusher’s past: What happened to her parents? What happened on Arvada II? Why did they recreate Scotland on another planet? Did they recreate Nessie as well? Why is there a pig-face alien running a Scottish colony? Why is Deanna wandering around in the background after she leaves the cemetery with Dr. Crusher? Why was Dr. Crusher’s maiden name Howard when it’s obviously a name from her maternal grandmother? Did her mother not take her father’s last name? How, then, did Beverly get the name Howard? Was it tradition in that family for the husband to take the wife’s name and pass it on their children? Then why didn’t she keep the name Howard? Why is she now a Crusher? Have I made your eyes cross yet?

Again I say, sigh.

So, there you have it denizens: I don’t love everything related to Dr. Crusher. But I don’t hold it against her that we saw way more of her bedroom proclivities than I think any of us ever wanted to see. And she’s still my favorite TNG character.

Oh, one more thing: At least the set designers had a bit of fun on this episode. Check the names on the tombstones behind Ronin:

I love geeky inside jokes.

When not bringing medical comfort to the residents of the Alpha Quadrant, Dr. Crusher does enjoy a bit of thespianic diversion. She is, after all, head of the Enterprise’s theater group. She’s an actress, a dancer, a playwright, and she mixes up a mean sangria for the wrap parties (bet you didn’t know that last part, did you?).

In her honor, therefore, the master painter Thomas Gainsborough IX did this rendition of Dr. Crusher, based on his ancestor’s famous portrait, Mrs. Sarah Siddons:

Here, of course, is the original painting, for a bit of comparison.

Mrs. Siddons is one of my favorite portraits by Thomas Gainsborough. When I first went to London in 2003, one of the things I was most anticipating was my first trip to their National Gallery of Art, to finally see so many of the paintings that I had fallen in love with throughout my art history studies. Gainsborough’s portraits were, of course, at the top of my list of desired stops, and his portrait of Mrs. Siddons was a definite. She’s a massive, gorgeous painting, after all, and slightly more enjoyable (at least to me) than Joshua Reynolds’s version of her as a tragic muse.

So we reached the Gainsborough room, which was curiously bare in several spots and conspicuously Siddons-free. I walked over to one of the empty spaces, which serendipitously ended up being Mrs. Siddons’ regular space, only to find a little paper placard that read: “Mrs. Siddons: Currently on loan to the National Gallery of Art, Washington, DC.”

Had it been any other American gallery, I probably would have introduced the British patrons around me to an unpleasant string of frustrated American-bred profanity. However, all I could do, really, was laugh at the freakish timing of this turn of events. I finished roaming through the London National Gallery, which did indeed contain many other artistic favorites that quickly made up for this particular disappointment, and when I finally returned to the D.C. area, I made a special trip to our National Gallery and did finally get some face time with Mrs. Siddons.

Poor Dr. Crusher. All she wants is the chance to sit next to Captain Picard during a staff meeting. Maybe then, she’d finally get to flirt a little…wink every now and then, maybe even play a little footsie. But that damned Riker always beats her to the conference lounge! It’d be easy if she got to sit on the bridge like every other member of the senior staff (minus Geordi, of course).

[Loba Tangent: Hey, waitatick! Why is it that the two crewmembers who were assigned to places other than the bridge are the two who were the least developed on the show? I call occupational discrimination!!]

Regardless of what’s really going on in this scene, I’d call this is one of the greatest screen captures EVAR. I’d also call it the greatest pout moment in the history of Star Trek.

I had something completely different (and admittedly less creative) planned, but then I realized that today was Doctober 13! Admittedly not as special as it could have been had today been Friday, but still it is that date that most distresses triskaidekaphobics (triskaidekaphobians?).

So I started thinking of ways to make the day a little more palatable for those who fear unlucky, and I decided what better way than to give you this, the luckiest penny in the galaxy! Originally issued by the United Federation of Planets in 2379, this is a one-of-a-kind Dr. Beverly Crusher copper penny (do you have any idea how rare a material copper is in 2379?).

Of course, it has no actual monetary value, since the UFP runs on a rather questionable credit system that has never really been explained. But think of the collector factor of this piece!! Not even Kivas Fajo had one of these in his collection!

I’m telling you, even if you’re a Red Shirt, you carry one of these around in your uniform pocket and you’re guaranteed to make it home, every away mission.