Month: April 2010

Flashback Friday: Misfits of Science

~ lobablanca

Nothing too profound for this week’s Flashback, but I thought it might be bad form to miss another Friday without dropping something on you (sorry about last week…stupid work, keeping me from blogging!).

Whilst poking around on YouTube a while ago, I discovered that someone has been posting episodes from one of my earliest sci-fi obsessions. Yes, Loba is dipping all the way back into the year I was 9 for this one (although I thought I was younger than this…oh well), to bring you Misfits of Science.

Basic premise is that these two groovy California scientists, Billy Hayes and Elvin Lincoln (played respectively by Dean Paul Martin and Kevin Peter Hall), bring together these…well, misfits of science, to fight for truth, justice, and the right to dress in the most stereotypically gnarly 80s ways imaginable.

Billy is a “normie,” but Elvin creates and takes a super-secret potion that allows him to shrink from 7 feet down to, I think like 8 inches (thus becoming the first instance in history of a dude choosing shrinkage). The rest of the team is formed by “Johnny B” Bukowski (played by Mark Thomas Miller), a rad rocker dude with glowing eyes who can run super fast and blast lightning bolts from his fists thanks to being struck by lightning during one of his band’s concerts; Gloria Dinallo (played by Courteney Cox), a typically confused teen with typical teen issues…oh, and a pesky telekinesis problem; and Jane Miller (played by Jennifer Holmes), Gloria’s parole officer and Billy’s love interest. Throw in the dad from ALF and you’ve got your cast! Yeah. Oh, that I was clever enough to make that up.

This was a hot mess of pure 80s cheese all the way through. But I didn’t care. I loved this show. I tuned in to watch every episode that aired on NBC, and I remember being devastated when the show just disappeared. It was tough being a child of the pre-Internet information saturation, I tell ya! There was just something about the Misfits that I couldn’t get enough of. I’m not sure what it was though.

Oh, wait. It was Courteney Cox.

Even though I have a strong suspicion that she’s no longer completely biodegradable, I still adore her, and that all started with Misfits of Science. I was so happy when she re-appeared on NBC on Family Ties, totally related to her character on Friends (I, too, find it difficult to sleep if I know that there are still shoes lying out in the living room!), can’t get enough of Gale Weathers (okay, that’s somewhat of a lie…stop making Scream movies!!), and even own Masters of the Universe on DVD (Tom Paris and Gina Dinallo, w00ts!!1!). I even watched a few episodes of Dirt, but I can’t bring myself to watch Cougar Town. The thought of Courteney Cox being old enough to qualify as a “cougar” makes me feel old. Say it ain’t so!

[Loba Tangent: Seriously, Courteney, please stop with the plastic surgery. You’re beautiful as you are…but foreheads are supposed to actually move and your mouth isn’t supposed to stretch from one side of your face all the way to the other. Unless, you know, you’re going for that oh-so-sexy “New and Improved Joker Smile” look.]

Okay, back to the Misfits. It was a silly show, indeed, but it was fun silly. Well, I thought so at least. Of course, I was 9 at the time. What the hell do 9-year-olds know? At that age, I was running through mud puddles and wishing that Scooby Doo was real (I still regularly do one of these things, but I’m not telling which). But check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me. Just remember: If Johnny’s eyes are glowing, all your batteries are going to be dead and you’d probably better move out of the way of his fists…and if Gloria goes all negative colors, you’re about to either be hit by something or she’s about to fling you across the room. Don’t say I didn’t warn you either way…

BookBin2010: In the Woods

~ lobablanca

Haha, bet you thought I was finished with my book postings, didn’t you? I actually finished Tana French’s In the Woods before the last book I posted, but I held back. Why? Because this isn’t going to be a quick posting. I have a lot to say about this book. A lot.

[Loba Tangent: Ever notice how I always have so much more to say about the things that I don’t like than I do about the things I do like? Well, except for Star Trek. I can talk about that for hours. I think in another universe, I actually do.]

Wha?

Dammit, focus, Loba! Okay, so this is actually one of my books rather than another library book. Finally! I’ve been quite excited to read this one since I received it for Christmas 2 years ago (believe me when I say that getting to it within 2 years of receipt is proof of my excitement; some of my books have been waiting patiently for double that time or more).

I need to stop being excited for things, because my excitement is inevitably converted into bitter disappointment.

Okay, that was a bit hyperbolic. I was very excited to read this novel. And I wasn’t completely disappointed. French has an adept grasp of language that was a pleasure to read and that never faltered throughout the story. I love a skilled wordsmith more than any of you might truly understand, and I strongly believe that French is high-caliber in her writing style.

It’s the story that left me flat. It’s also the story that I’m about to ruin in some ways because of the nature of my gripes. So if you’re interested in reading this novel and would rather I not ruin it for you with my whiny hating, I recommend you stop here.

So, here’s the basic gist of the book: It’s a first-person account, told from the perspective of Detective Rob Ryan, from the Dublin Murder Squad. He and his partner, Cassie Maddox, are assigned to a child murder that takes place in the same place where two unsolved child disappearances took place several years before. Only one witness survived this earlier case: Detective Ryan, who has no memory of what happened and later changed his name and completely hid this event from almost everyone (he does tell his partner, however).

Of course, there’s overlap between the two cases in Ryan’s and Maddox’s mind, and they subsequently come at the new case from this and several other angles. In fact, this takes up a significant portion of the story. Are these cases linked? Is it a serial killer? Will they find the bodies of Ryan’s long-lost friends? How long can Ryan keep his secret from his superiors? Better yet, how long can he keep his secret from unraveling him completely? Will it consume him? Stop him from solving the current case? Destroy his relationships with his partner and other detectives? Destroy everything he’s fought so hard to achieve? Destroy him completely? How many more questions can I come up with before you scream ENOUGH!

Okay, enough.

So, here’s the thing that really ticked me off. The whole plot about Ryan’s forgotten traumatic event from his childhood (and, believe me, it’s definitely set up as traumatic right from the start) turns out to be nothing more than a red herring that I think French included to give her main character an excuse to be flawed. Why? This is just my theory, mind you, but I think it’s because she was writing from the perspective of a male character. I think she gave him this significant flaw so that if anyone questioned how he was behaving throughout the story, she’d have the fallback of being able to say, “Well of course he’s not going to behave like a typical guy. Look what he went through as a child!”

Again, this is completely my own theory, and probably a huge assumption on my part. However, there was just something so…wow, I hate what I’m about to write, but there was something so stereotypically female about many of Ryan’s actions, reactions, and behaviors throughout the novel that is served as quite a distraction from the real action. The way he behaved throughout a lot of this book, especially toward the end when the unraveling was becoming more prevalent, was erratic, irrational, and at times almost borderline hysterical (see why I hate writing this? I hate every single one of those behavior traits and how they’re always ascribed to women…and how, when they’re ascribed to a male character, they become distracting).

You know what it made me think of, actually? The line from Jack Nicholson’s character in As Good As It Gets. You know, when the woman asks him how he writes women so well, and he replies, “I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.” That’s terrible (and terribly funny in the context of this movie), but that’s precisely how I felt Ryan had been written.

Do I think that French made this decision as a way to cover for any failings she may have encountered in writing from the male perspective? Possibly. Maybe more than possibly. I totally understand if this was indeed her rationale for adding the childhood trauma angle. I was just so irritated as I approached the end of the novel and realized that this particular piece of the puzzle was going to remain unsolved. I don’t usually have a problem with things like that (some of my favorite episodes of CSI are the ones that are left unsolved for another day), but this really pissed me off. I guess I felt as though, I’ve stuck it out this long, I deserve a little closure, goddammit!

Ah well. Can’t always get what we want, right Mick?

Final Verdict: I haven’t come to a complete decision on this one, but I’m almost 100 percent positive that this book will not remain in my collection. The uncertainty stems from the fact that I’m intrigued enough by French’s other detective, Cassie Maddox that I’ve already borrowed from the library French’s followup novel, The Likeness, which is all about Maddox. It’s my next read, in fact (so much for reading my own books, eh?). If I like it enough to want it for my collection, there’s the slightest of possibilities that I might want to hang on to In the Woods as its companion piece. But that’s a very slight possibility, indeed. We’ll see. For now, though, I’m placing this one in my donation box. The thrift store is going to love me…

BookBin2010: The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

~ lobablanca

I veered quite a distance from my last read, this time heading back in time to 1940s, post-WWII Europe to enjoy some time with The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.

That’s a mouthful of a title, innit? This was a recommended read that I cracked open on Monday and finished last night. Very quick read, but also very interesting. Being the ever-clueless student of slightly America-centric history classes that I am, I was completely in the dark as to any Nazi occupation within the English Channel. I’m also actually kind of embarrassed to even write that. So to read a fictional account of people’s survival during such an occupation was both informative and, thanks to authors Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows, enjoyable.

The first thing that struck me about this novel is its epistolary format. Perhaps it’s because I tend to gravitate more toward literary genres that don’t rely on letter writing as a means of narration (we prefer to call them “Captain’s Logs,” thank you), but I have the distinct impression that this is a style of storytelling that is on the road to extinction. True, there are still epistolary novels coming out (Stephen Chbosky’s The Perks of Being a Wallflower and Harrison Solow’s upcoming Felicity and Barbara Pym immediately come to mind), but I suppose habit-forming pastimes like texting and Twitter are bringing to a halt even regular e-mail correspondence. It was wonderful, therefore, to find a throwback to this once popular literary style.

Anyway, so this particular novel is told from multiple perspectives, relayed to readers via a collection of letters and telegrams collected from all the major players and pieced together to give us a fuller view of the unfolding action. The primary voice, I suppose you could call her, is Juliet Ashton, a writer who receives a letter from someone who introduces himself as a member of the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. As anyone would be expected to, Ashton immediately questions what precisely this society is…as well as what, pray tell, is a potato peel pie.

The answers she receives in return are the heart of the novel, as various members of the society write her to tell the tale of their survival during the occupation of Guernsey, thanks to a quick-witted and feisty resident named Elizabeth, whose lie “founded” the society. Ashton quickly grows quite fond of all the Guernsey residents who write her, as admittedly so did I, and soon she finds herself visiting them to learn even more. Shaffer and Barrows do a wonderful job of weaving a colorful and captivating tale from the myriad threads offered by society members, Ashton, and her friends. There were a few aspects of the story that I found a trifle uninteresting, but that’s because I’m not much for period-piece tales of wooing, which factors only slightly into the overall story.

How much of this book is rooted in truth I’m still discovering. I have started reading more about the occupation of the Channel islands (woots to my visitor from the island of Jersey, by the way!), and, again, am slightly embarrassed that I had no idea this even happened. So kudos to Shaffer and Barrows for introducing this silly American to a part of history to which I had been previously oblivious…and for doing it in such an engaging way.

Final Verdict: This was an enjoyable, informative, and incredibly quick read, but I don’t foresee adding this one to my collection any time soon. However, if you’re interested in a mini WWII history lesson presented by delightfully imaginary people, then you should check out this book.

BookBin2010: The Killing Joke

~ lobablanca

I feel slightly guilty posting The Killing Joke as a BookBin entry, considering the fact that it’s just a single issue comic book…nothing long like some of Alan Moore’s other works that have found their way to the lair, like Watchmen or V for Vendetta. Then again, I did say at the end of my post about V for Vendetta that I wanted to read this one next. So, there you go.

This time around, though, I’m going to have to say that the main draw of this story wasn’t Moore’s writing. Instead, it is the hands-down amazing artwork of Brian Bolland. Right from the very first panel of this comic book, I was in love with Bolland’s dark artistic stylings. He offers clean lines, gorgeous details, and a wicked sense of how to make even the mundane sinister. If you are a fan of graphic media, you need to witness Bolland’s visual take on the great batty god of DC Comics and his vile, vituperative, villainous foe, the Joker.

One word of caution: Apparently, the recently released 20th anniversary edition of this comic is the one you should seek out, rather than the original 1988 release. From what I’ve read, that release has some funky coloring that Bolland corrected for the anniversary edition. I’ve read some complaints about the color change from comic book purists who preferred the original, old school colors, but I have to say, the coloring in the anniversary edition is beautiful and very complementary to the artwork and the story.

As for the story itself…meh. Maybe I had that reaction because I read the book while extremely tired, but I didn’t really feel any sort of wow factor from this possible origin story for the Joker. I liked the dark undercurrent of the story, always roiling right at the surface. I also liked this dark take on the Joker. As someone who grew up thinking of this character as only the buffoonish Cesar Romero portrayal from the awesome Adam West show, I liked seeing this character in a far more successfully sinister light (I say successfully here because I really didn’t think the Heath Ledger portrayal of Joker as psychotic villain was successful at all…sorry).

But there was something…I don’t know. Something missing? Something off? Maybe it was the Barbara Gordon portion of the plot that really turned me off to the story. Definitely gave me an unhappy WTF feeling, that’s for sure. But this has been my complaint about all of the Moore-written graphic novels that I’ve read so far; there’s something that always rubs me the wrong way and leaves me feeling…meh. Again, though, this Joker is just awesomely cracked, and I believe that’s primarily thanks to how Bolland depicts him throughout the book.

Final Verdict: I don’t know that I would want this book for the story itself, but Bolland’s line work made up for the places where the story let me down. I’m not going to rush out and buy The Killing Joke (although I have already added it to my wish list), but I think that at some point it will probably become a part of my collection. So, yeah, it’s a keeper. Perhaps next I’ll try to find Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns…that should keep me busy until the July 6 release of Batwoman: Elegy.

The Mysterious Were-Bunny of San Antonio

~ lobablanca
When the moon is full, she hops the Riverwalk in search of a howling good time.

So some of you may have wondered where Loba disappeared to this time. Some of you may have just been happy for the break from my insanity. Those some of you suck. Just sayin’.

To those who were curious about Loba’s whereabouts, I can finally reveal that I was on a super-secret, Mirror Universe assignment to glorious Texas. Yes, I was indeed deep in the heart of Du(m)bya Country. It was everything I dreamed it would be.

Okay, okay, I’m not going to crack on Texas now. Truth is: A) I know some pretty decent folk from Texas; and B) I didn’t really get a chance to see much more of San Antonio than the severely touristy-kitschy Riverwalk section. It’s hard trying to sight-see when you’re on duty from 6 in the morning until around 7 or 8 in the evening. So, really, what we saw consisted of the hotel, the conference space, site visit stops, and a couple of restaurants (sorry, no partridge in a pear tree this time). I did get a chance to see the Alamo, though. No photos, but I can say I was surprised by how very small it was. True, it was cold that night, but seriously, I thought everything was bigger in Texas.

The cool part was that we were there for our conference at the same time as San Antonio’s Fiesta Week. So there were parades, parties, costumes, and (as one of our conference speakers described it) lots of “drunken debauchery.” Loba may or may not have found said debauchery. I’ll let the flashing bunny ears speak my story for me.

Anywhoodle. It was definitely a long week, but it went very well, and we capped everything off with a relaxing trip to Boudro’s, which is a restaurant literally built from awesome. Definitely had the best guacamole I have ever eaten. The wait staff are all trained in how to make the guacamole at your table. Here’s our waiter, doin’ the do for us:

Seriously, if you love guacamole, you would love this recipe. I’ve never had guacamole this freakin’ tasty. You can download the recipe from the Boudro’s Web site, but you’ll need to log on to get it. Pain, I know, but it’s worth it. Actually, though, you could also just watch this YouTube video. I love how Sarah the waitress states that she doesn’t want to see this video on YouTube. Sorry, Sarah. Looks like they lied. Hope they tipped you well.

And here, finally, is the money shot of our waiter’s enviable guacamole skills:

So, there you go. Now you know where in the world Loba San Diego wandered off to this time, and you’ve gotten a tasty guacamole recipe for your efforts. And stay tuned for some book reviews as well as possibly a DVDreg review this week (although I’m mortified by this one and am having a very difficult time finishing up the special features). See? I always make sure to take care of my denizens, even when I hop off for other climes from time to time 😉

BookBin2010/Flashback Friday: The Wizard of Oz

~ lobablanca

Ooh, another of those wacky combo specials at Casa de Loba! Haven’t done this since my Flashback Friday/Poster Pick combo for Poltergeist.

I hope it doesn’t feel like I’m letting the Emerald City take over all my silly special features here at the lair, especially considering the fact that my last Poster Pick was for the musical Wicked. But that was inspired by the fact that I was reading The Annotated Wizard of Oz: Centennial Edition at the time.

Honestly, it feels like I was reading this particular version of this story for a really long time. I do believe that this is the most thorough and definitive version of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz that’s available. It was almost like reading three books instead of just one. The first part of the book provides a brief history of the novel and its follow-up stories as well as how it went from book to musical to movie, and information on L. Frank Baum. There are more detailed biographies out there on Baum (in fact, I own one, which I have sadly yet to read), but this is a good solid introductory piece for those who’d like to know a little more about the man and his wonderful world before diving in to the actual story.

Of course, then we get to the heart…brains…and courage of it all. Not only does this version of the book present the story as it was originally printed, complete with W.W. Denslow’s absolutely gorgeous illustrations (see below), it also provides a plethora of annotations. I kid you not, there are like three pages on just the name “Dorothy.” Plus, the annotations are printed in what looks like a 6-point Times New Roman, which is a huge contrast to the story’s ginormous 14-point font. Oh, my eyes!

(FONT SNOBBERY, FTW!!)

To be honest, there were so many annotations that I found them a bit distracting after a while. So I ignored them for a first read-through and then went back and picked them up on the second sweep. Like I said, it felt like I was reading this book for a really long time.

So, what did I think of the original story, now that I’ve finally read it? I’m going to say something so shocking for a book geek, but I have to tell you, denizens, I think that, as lovely as the original story is, this is one of the few instances in which I prefer the movie to the book.

!!!

I know! Shocking! And, honestly? It’s for purely sentimental reasons. The 1939 movie version of this story was a perennial part of my childhood, one of the things that stands in my memory as something specially reserved as a ritual for my mom and me. My dad worked night shifts at that point, so he was never home for the annual showing of The Wizard of Oz on television. So my mom would pop a bowl of popcorn just for us (and our little dog, too!) and we’d settle in for another trip to the Land of Oz. I loved this ritual for all its gloriously simple perfection.

Plus, the movie still remains magical, even more than 70 years later. Think about the creativity of the people who brought this world to the big screen pre-CGI! And the bravery! Don’t forget that Buddy Ebsen, the original Tin Woodsman, nearly died because of all the aluminum powder he inhaled before they switched over to a paste for Jack Haley. And Margaret Hamilton was badly burned twice during her portrayal of the Wicked Witch: once by a pyrotechnic in her broom and once when the flame effect during her exit from Munchkinland triggered before the trap door elevator could pull her down. Her green copper-based makeup instantly caught fire, along with her costume, causing second- and third-degree burns to Hamilton’s face and arms.

(Okay, bizarre and completely superfluous tangential geek trivia: In one of her last performances as Elphaba in the Broadway production of Wicked, Idina Menzel broke a rib when she went to step onto a trap door elevator for a similar effect, only the trap had dropped away already. Not quite as dramatic as Hamilton’s injuries; however, this does provide further evidence that it’s not easy being green. Ba-dum-bum.)

Sorry, back on track. There’s something about this movie that is so special and so (der!) wonderful. The music, the dancing, the costumes, the set pieces, the flying monkeys! Each actor was so well-suited to their role that it seems almost sacrilegious to try to imagine anyone else ever playing these characters. Also, for me, this is Judy Garland’s defining role (but also the role that landed her on the path to an untimely and unfortunate end, thanks in part to MGM introducing her to the Wonderful Wizard of Amphetamines). Her rendition of “Over the Rainbow” is one of the most heartbreaking moments ever committed to film. Just thinking about it now gets me a little verklempt.

And Margaret Hamilton as the Wicked Witch! True talent is when you’re only 5 feet tall and your character is on-screen for barely more than 10 minutes, but you’re still voted the fourth most frightening villain in movie history by the American Film Institute. She might have gotten even higher had it not been for that unfortunate run-in later on with that damnable pink bunny…

Of course, all this movie praise doesn’t mean that I don’t think the book is worth reading. There are, in fact, multiple and significant differences between the book and the movie, which gives us two similar-yet-different ways to experience this delightful fairytale. At the moment, I can only think of one other book/movie combo, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? and Blade Runner, that provides an equally successful same-but-different experience.

Another bonus from finally reading the original story? I love inside information, and now that I have read Baum’s story and seen Denslow’s original illustrations, I feel like I’m now privy to some great jokes that I didn’t get until now. I’m referring to all the references that Gregory Maguire made to the original text in his book Wicked, as well as props and costumes in the musical that were directly inspired by Denslow’s art. There were a couple of moments in particular in which I had to explain the extra-large smile of recognition I had on my face whilst reading the story or looking at the artwork.

Final Verdict: I definitely would like to add this book to my collection, snuggled right there on the shelf with my aforementioned Baum biography, my Wicked Grimmerie, and my copies of Wicked and Son of a Witch. As for the movie? The three-disc release from 2005 is already in my collection, and I have to admit that the recent 70th anniversary release was almost enough to finally get me to buy that Bluray player. Almost. Maybe when I hit that big lottery payoff and I can get the HDTV, too. Until then, I just might put on my pointy black witch’s hat and settle down this evening with a bowl of popcorn…follow the yellow brick road and see where it leads me.

Pointless

~ lobablanca

Well, that was a Grand Diva blog post title, wasn’t it? I’m weathering unbelievable life tsunamis on multiple fronts right now, which unfortunately means the lair gets neglected. It’s not really how I’d like things. Then again, I do like getting a regular paycheck, so there you go.

However, I am thinking of you all, dear denizens. Which is why I bring you this link for PointlessSites.com. The name is pretty self-explanatory, no? I found this link several years ago, visited it with great frequency for a while, then completely forgot about it. Until I came upon the link a few minutes ago while searching through one of my personal e-mail inboxes.

Yes, I said one of. Don’t ask. The answer isn’t worth it.

And, hell, because I’m in a giving mood, here’s another of my favorite photos from TrekCore.com. Featured is, of course, the ever lovely Gates McFadden, hugging the fantastically talented, “I would have given anything in the world to work with him” makeup artist extraordinaire Michael Westmore. To those who are not familiar with Westmore, he was “Da Man” when it came to makeup designs for all the Star Trek spinoffs. If I remember my trivia correctly, he created the look for the Ferengi, the Bajorans, the Cardassians…even the Ocampa and the Kazon (okay, so there are duds here and there). He was also the one who personally hand-painted each and every one of Jadzia Dax’s leopard spots, which he would then sign. Honest! Oh, and he started out as Butch “I’m Eddie Munster” Patrick’s makeup artist on The Munsters. How effing cool is that?

Flashback Friday: California Raisins

~ lobablanca

I know this is going to sound strange coming from someone so eager to talk about her anthropomorphized car (hi, Sammy!), but anthropomorphized food really creeps me out. All I can think when I see talking food is that we’ve given personalities to things we’re going to eat. Not only that, but we’ve given them personalities as a means of encouraging us to eat them. It feels eerily cannibalistic to me.

But that’s exactly what happened back in 1986 when the California Raisin Advisory Board introduced us to the Claymation Sensation known as the California Raisins. The first commercial was the California Raisins singing the Marvin Gaye song, “I Heard It Through the Grapevine.”

I always liked this one better:

I don’t know who else voiced the rest of the Raisins, but the “lead” Raisin was voiced by Buddy Miles, probably most famous for being the drummer from Jimi Hendrix’s Band of Gypsys. Jimi Hendrix to Raisin? Eh, whatever pays the bills, right?

A whole bunch (hehe) of these commercials hit the airwaves over the next several years, some featuring just the generic raisin group. Some, however, featured recognizable popular artists, like Ray Charles and even this classic, featuring…well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out on your own:

And, of course, there was the marketing blitz. Albums, lunchboxes, T-shirts, posters, school supplies, even a Saturday morning cartoon (sigh…what the hell happened to Saturday morning cartoons?). I think there might have even been a video game. I can’t even fathom the hours of fun that must have provided! Also, if you look back at the top of this post, you’ll see my little collection of the promotional figures from Hardee’s. Mmm, Hardee’s.

All this worked wonders for both the California Raisin Advisory Board and, ironically, the Toilet Paper Makers of America, who noticed a significant increase in the sale of their products, especially whenever a new California Raisins commercial hit the airwaves.

Sorry. That was graphic and probably only funny to people with potty humor. Might cheer someone up if they’re down in the dumps though. Okay, I’ll stop now. These are shit jokes anyway.

Heehee…

DVDregs: Cellular

~ lobablanca

Poor Cellular. There it sat on my shelf, so quietly minding its own business that I might have looked right past it on my search for purge-worthy DVDs. But it had the misfortune of being neighbors with my last DVDregs review, The Cell. So I started trying to remember how this movie found its way into my collection and realized that it was an impulse buy from the days when Netflix sold previously viewed DVDs (I’m still pissed that they stopped doing that). I shelled out $5 to buy this after renting it and liking it. Then I never watched it again. I tend to do that a lot.

So, Cellular. There’s something amusingly serendipitous (to me, at least) about the fact that this movie not only comes from New Line Cinema (“The House That Freddy Built”) like The Cell, but also includes an advertisement inside the case for…The Cell. So far, two bad omens, considering the fact that my copy of The Cell is now sitting in a donation box.

Quick rundown of the premise: Groovy surfer dude Ryan gets a weird call on his cell phone. It’s a woman named Jessica Martin, claiming to have been kidnapped that morning. She doesn’t know why. She doesn’t know where she is. She’s just a high school biology teacher who randomly connected to Ryan’s cell phone while tinkering with a conveniently still semi-working even though it’s been smashed landline phone, and she needs his help to get free. Strangely enough, he agrees and gets involved. Hilarity thus ensues.

I know it’s a silly sounding premise. I even remember thinking that as I was clicking to rent it from Netflix. Somehow, though, it works. First, we have a great script. Yes, I said great. Not like Godfather great or American Beauty great. This isn’t a deep movie. I mean it features a biology teacher who wears fishnet stockings, for crying out loud. But if you’re looking for a fun action flick, this is what you’re looking for. Writers Larry Cohen (who apparently really loves phones since he also wrote 2002’s Phone Booth) and Chris Morgan have hammered out a fast-paced, full-speed-ahead action script that, in the hands of former-stuntdude-turned-director David Ellis, never drags, never wanders, never bores. The entire movie is about one thing: saving Jessica Martin (well, okay, there are some other things going on here as well…but saving Jessica is the most important thing). And you are on-board from the first ring right down to the final low battery beep.

Next, let’s talk cast. Kim Basinger, William H. Macy, Jason Statham, Chris Evans, Jessica Biel, Richard Burgi (The Sentinel!), Noah Emmerich…quite a great cast, actually. All of them perfectly paired to their roles. I can’t think of a single miscast. Evans was enjoyable as Ryan of the eponymous Cellular phone. Most people probably know him better as Johnny Storm from the Fantastic Four movies (and he’s now causing nerdgasms for fanboys everywhere by being cast as the new Captain America). I like him here, though, playing goofy and earnest very well.

Basinger was a major key to this movie’s success. After all, at the end of the day (and the movie) it’s all about trying to save Jessica Martin (der!). Basinger brings a certain gravitas that you don’t necessarily expect in an action film but really appreciate when you find it. Kind of like Alan Rickman in Die Hard. She makes Jessica Martin immediately likable and believable enough that you even forgive the fishnets after a while (no, I’m not kidding about this; she’s really wearing fishnets).

Then there’s William H. Macy. Oh wow, do I adore him. He’s awesome in a can, that one. And in this movie, as the predictably days-away-from-retirement, “I’m too old for this shit” police officer who becomes another key to the mission, he proves that you can bring teh awesome to even trite and predictable.

Round out the big hitters with a big roundhouse kick from Jason Statham, another delightful actor who is always a joy to watch. Even when he’s in less-than-spectacular movies, he’s still great to watch. And he’s wonderful here as a proper baddie. The scenes he shares with Basinger are incredible in their intensity and really help to ratchet up the tension and drag us even deeper into believing that…all together now…we’ve got to save Jessica Martin! Oh, and her family, too. But, really, Jessica.

DVD Special Features: Of course there’s a commentary track. That seems to be de rigueur for DVDs these days. This one features director Ellis; his daughter, assistant producer Tawny Ellis; and his sister, assistant stunt coordinator Annie Ellis (who, by the way, has an amazing stunt resume). However, what makes this commentary a little different (in a cutesy, kitschy kind of way) is that Ellis takes breaks from talking about the movie to call various people from the crew…on their cell phones. See? Cutesy/kitschy.

Throughout the movie he calls people like New Line Cinema’s founder Bob Shaye, Chris Evans, producer Lauren Lloyd, composer John Ottman, stunt coordinator Freddie Hice, and a couple other people whose names now elude me (I would have taken notes, but I was exercising at the time!). Sometimes, the cute factor became a bit annoying, especially when Ellis decided to call someone during a scene in the movie that I would have liked to have heard him talk about. All in all, though, I’d rate this a worthwhile commentary track, filled with lots of interesting tidbits about the movie, the actors, and the crew.

Of course, there are also the obligatory deleted scenes, complete with optional director commentary. I’ve yet to see a deleted scene that didn’t deserve its deleted status. Nothing really special in this batch either, and that includes the alternate ending between Evans’s character and Biel’s character. Yawn. I’m glad they switched to the ending that’s now there.

Finally, there are three featurettes: the hilariously outdated “Dialing Up Cellular,” which is all about cell phone technology back in 2004 (probably was outdated before it was even finished filming); “Celling Out,” the obligatory sunshine-pumping love-fest in which the actors and crew all talk about how wonderful they are and how great their movie is (they get a pass this time because they’re right); and “Code of Silence,” an interesting and surprisingly serious documentary on a 1999 police corruption scandal in LAPD’s Rampart Division, which apparently inspired some of the movie’s plot.

Final Verdict: Yeah, obviously this one’s a keeper. I’m actually quite surprised that I haven’t watched this one more. It’s fluffy fun for a Saturday afternoon, with ample pathos, nicely paced action, and random moments of funny…plus William H. Macy for the win. Oh, and also? It features Nina Simone’s “Sinner Man” in a great way. How do you not love a movie that gives Simone some love?

But What Does It All Meme?

~ lobablanca

So this is usually how it goes. I log on and open up Firefox (because there is no other browser worthy of my time). I have an inbox full of things that I need to work on today…but, wait, I’d also like to check my personal e-mail. Oh, look, someone sent me a link to a YouTube video. That was funny. Ooh, look, it recommends another video I might like. Well…okay. Oh, that was funny, too! And so was that one. And that one…

OR…hey, I saw a great movie last night on DVD. I’m just going to check it out really quickly on IMDb. Ooh, lots of trivia there. What? There’s an alternate ending that wasn’t on the DVD? Well, I have to see it! Back to YouTube. What do you mean, it’s been removed for copyright infringement? Well, we’re just going to have to try harder to find it, that’s all. Oh, and who was that guy playing the third police officer? I’ve seen him before in something…

OR…well, you get the picture, right? There are so many digital White Rabbits to follow, aren’t there? And they inevitably lead you down all variety of rabbit holes, which lead deeper and deeper until you’ve found the woman in the red dress and that damned cat appears twice and you know bloody Kung Fu. And that, Mr. Anderson, is the real sound of inevitability.

Damned Interwebz.

And then there are the memes. Even if you didn’t know before what they were called, you know what they are. Anyone living virtually has encountered at least one, maybe not even realizing it when it happens. Like the horribly obvious PhotoShopped “final image” from a World Trade Center tourist’s camera, which was then promptly spoofed a million times over. This, of course, would be my favorite of the series:

Or what about memes that flew below your radar for the most part until someone else you follow mentions it? Or spoofs it? WHEATON!!! Now I have to know more about the Trololo Guy! Or not.

Then there are the badgers. STUPID EFFING BADGERS! I had this stuck in my head for days. I even caught myself singing it as I was walking to the kitchen. Of course, I had to know more about this meme. This is how the White Rabbit traps you! And look! There are others! Zombie Badgers! Christmas Badgers! Footy Badgers!

ENOUGH!

But, wait! Why can’t we make money off our memes? Oh. Well, guess that answers my question. Really? A six-figure income for what pretty much comes down to exploiting your son for a laugh? Yes, it was funny. And some of the spoofs have been spectacular.

Wait, who the hell is Chad Vader?

OMGWTFBBQ!

And there you go. Just look at how long it took you to get through this one post (imagine how long it took me to write it!). And I didn’t even mention things like RickRolling, Fingerstaches, PhotoBombing, Numa Numa, Chocolate Rain, or even this…hell, I don’t even know what this is. But now the song is stuck in my head.

Damn. What the hell was I supposed to be doing?