We’ll Clear That Right Up For You

Hey, check this out:

navalobservatory

What you’re looking at is the satellite image from Google Earth of the Naval Observatory here in Washington, D.C. Why am I showing you this? Because it’s the first time that I’ve checked out the Observatory since Obama came into office. Which means it’s the first time I’ve seen more than the equivalent of this:

navalobservatory_blur

I know it’s not that bad from this height, but when you tried to zoom in for a closer look, it all just went to hell in a messy, pixelated hand basket (and I’m a big dork when it comes to resolution issues in images). Why the blurry secrecy? The Naval Observatory is where the Vice President of the United States of America lives.

Ah…I bet you’re seeing this picture way more clearly now, aren’t you?

That’s right. Dick Cheney somehow pulled enough heft that even though we could clearly see the White House in satellite images (of course, the roof was blurred back then), we couldn’t see his house. Here’s a lovely explanation from Maureen Dowd:

The vice president, who believes in unwarranted, unlimited snooping, is so pathologically secretive that if you use Google Earth’s database to see his official residence, the view is scrambled and obscured. You can view satellite photos of the White House, the Pentagon and the Capitol – but not of the Lord of the Underworld’s lair.

Ding dong, the lord is gone. So now we can see a fairly clear image of what is now Joe Biden’s residence. I know it’s a silly trifle of a change, but for some reason it made me happy. I’m such a Google Earth geek anyway. Hours of my life can disappear in the blink of an eye when I get into this program. So it’s always been a personal irritation that I could never see this one little blip on the map.

If you’d like to share my joy, swoop on in to 38? 55’15.34″ N and 77? 03’56.73″ W in Google Earth (I think I got that right).

Dis-temper

Know what makes me tired? How so many recent events have proven that we are a society trapped in a downward spiral of uncontrolled rudeness and stupidity. What am I talking about? Why, what everyone else is talking about, of course: Joe, Kanye, and Serena, oh my!

We start out with Rep. Joe Wilson’s outburst during Obama’s address to Congress. It was disrespectful, yes. Then again, so were the Democrats who booed George W. Bush during his State of the Union address in, I believe, 2005. Wilson, however, is also being labeled racist. (Those booing Democrats, in case you’re wondering, were never labeled moronists.)

I’ve gone over this one before, but apparently I’m screaming into the wind yet again. Now even former presidents are getting in on the racism tagging. To Obama’s credit, he refuses to take this tired, stale bait. Perhaps because he realizes that this is simply another smokescreen to detract our attention away from an honest debate about important issues. Kind of on the same level as death panels and tea baggers (yes, please giggle if you must at that one).

That’s what Republicans are guilty of at this juncture: not being blatantly racist. No, their specialty is fearmongering as a smokescreen to deflect attention from real issues. How do you think they convinced half the country to re-elect Dubya even though he didn’t have enough qualifications to be elected school crossing guard? Fear. “If you don’t vote for George W. Bush, the gay terrorists will invade and turn all your children into gym teachers and nancy boys! And they’ll do a FABULOUS job of it!”

Same difference now. “Obama’s health plan will mean Great Aunt Myrtle will have to be put to sleep because she’s too old! Obama’s going to personally euthanize her! Then he’s going to turn her into Soylent Green and serve her to the unemployed!”

Okay, that last part was a bit over the top…but so are the death panels. What purpose does this kind of panic serve beyond the obvious of detracting from intelligent discourse? Yeah, like we’re capable of such a thing in this country.

Actually, though, I’m derailing myself. I’m not here to talk more about the universal health care issue or all the other political piffle that’s been irritating me. It’s too early in the day to get my blood pressure that high. No, because now we move from Joe Wilson to Kanye West. I don’t want to say much about him, because he’s really not worth a lot of commentary. I’m simply acknowledging that he was a big douchewanger…yet again. But then there’s Serena Williams threatening to cram a “fucking ball” down someone’s “fucking throat.”

All righty then. Women, we still don’t make the same pay for doing the same work as a guy, but we’re now able to throw tantrums in the sports world, like the big boys do! Just like Mary Tyler Moore, looks like we’ve made it after all!

Now, of course, all three of these hotheads have apologized. It took Serena a little longer, but she finally came around (after much pushing from her agent and others within her financial inner circle, I’m sure; we mustn’t tarnish ourselves too much or the money won’t keep rolling in). And now all will be forgiven (well, at least for Kanye and Serena; Joe’s going to keep getting dragged through the racist ringer a bit longer).

But why should we accept their apologies? Better yet, why should we tolerate this kind of behavior at all? Why shouldn’t Joe Wilson be censured? Hell, why weren’t the booing Jackasses..er, Democrats from 2005 censured? It’s the State of the Union, not a pep rally! Why shouldn’t Serena Williams be told she’s out the rest of the tennis season? Yeah, she was fined. $10,000. Wow. That’s pretty much the equivalent of fining one of us mere mortals a dime.

(Why am I not trying to punish Kanye? I think he’s punishment enough, both to himself and to anyone who listens to his music.)

Why am I bothering to rant about this, as if what I say here is going to make any difference? Will Serena read this and realize the error of her ways? Will Kanye tweet me his apology for being a wanker yet again on national television? Will Joe Wilson care that a Democrat outside his jurisdiction is commenting on him? Why should he? He’s raised more than a million dollars thanks to his outburst. And Kanye got me to talk about him (because Lord knows I sure wasn’t talking about his music). And Serena? Hell, she earned $350,000 just for getting to that match where she had her little meltdown. She’s a winner no matter what the score, if you ask me.

Which, of course, no one did. But I shared anyway, because that’s the kind of wolf I am. Now it’s back to work. I promise I won’t try to shove my mouse down anyone’s throat, although if you’d like to pay me $350,000, I’ll see what I can do. I do have that infamous red-haired temper working in my favor…

If You Look Hard Enough…

You know the old adage, “anyone can be offended if they’re looking hard enough”? So there’s this poster floating around out in Los Angeles of Barack Obama as The Joker. In case you’ve missed it, here you go:

obamasocialism

Not a bad piece of PhotoShop work, no? Seems, though, that there are those out there who want to turn this into something racist. The Washington Post even dedicated an entire article to an attempt to make this into a valid argument.

Really? Way to help hammer in those final nails into journalism’s coffin, guys.

We get it. President Obama is half-Black. Why does this have to mean that every comment or criticism directed toward his presidency must stem from racism? Is this how we’re going to spend the next 4-8 years? Having to listen to droning, dimwitted pundits and witless op-ed dolts who want to ignore the chance at greater political commentary because obviously every criticism has to really be because he’s half-Black?

You know, back in my Angry BloggerTM days, I turned Bush into the Joker, too. Don’t believe me? Check it out:

I also turned Condoleeza Rice into Catwoman. Wait a minute! Obviously, this is a racist comment about her being Black…you know, because black cats are unlucky, so obviously I was implying that she’s unlucky because she’s Black. Gott in Himmel! My eyes are opened and I see that I, too, am a blatant racist! Where must I go to confess my sins?

Yeah.

Dirty, Dirty Girl

How sad is it that I’ve been sat here for about 10 minutes, giggling over this:

sshrc

In case you don’t have the same horribly dirty mind that your humble hostess has, it’s the trackback link that’s left me laughing: “YOU ARE IN: Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton.”

See, now I’m laughing while typing this. As much as I love Hillary, I don’t want to be quite that close. Besides, shouldn’t I at least buy her dinner first?

Dirty minds aside, if you all missed Secretary Clinton’s appearance this past Sunday on Meet the Press, then here is the transcript from her appearance. Thank you to A2, both for supplying the link and the laugh.

Jackass Democrat: Marion Barry

Marion Barry: <del>Mayor</del> Criminal for Life
Marion Barry: Mayor Criminal for Life

If you haven’t already heard, Marion Barry was arrested. Again. This time it was for stalking his ex-girlfriend. Apparently, it’s another “bitch set me up” situation. It’s gotta be, because we all know that Mr. Barry is a very innocent man. Yeah.

Marion Barry is an offense to even the smarmiest of politicians (and god knows there’s never a dearth of those). Actually, he’s an offense to the smarmiest of any sub-category of human beings. He evinces a blatant disregard for any type of law, whether it be the law of “don’t smoke crack in a hotel room with an ex-girlfriend, especially when you’re the mayor of the nation’s capital city,” or the law of “if you’re going to insist on remaining in the very public political arena, you might want to pay your fucking taxes,” or even the law of “when you’re on probation for another crime, you might want to avoid testing positive for cocaine.”

Of course, this latest bust is still quite the mystery. It might actually turn out that Mr. Barry is innocent (just like all the other times). Right. Regardless of how this latest situation plays out, it doesn’t change the fact that Barry is an ass clown of the highest order, which is saying a lot when you consider the political company he has had throughout his career. He repeatedly pisses into the eyes of justice, decency, logic, and decorum with his arrogance and blatant disregard of the law. Yet he never goes away. Kind of like herpes.

I’d like to make lighter of this latest bust than I have, but I’m sick of Barry and his criminal insistence. He’s a man who could have been an amazing role model for his community and his constituents. Instead, he chooses to be the best repeat offender he can be. Way to make it into the history books, Mr. Barry.

Resigning? You Betcha!

May be running in 2012? Has someone called Tina Fey yet?
May be running in 2012? Has someone called Tina Fey yet?

Alaska Governor and former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is resigning at the end of this month. She said she is doing so because she doesn’t want to be a lame duck. Well…she’s already done lame so well, I guess she just doesn’t feel she’d do justice to the duck part.

Why is she not yet a non-issue? She can’t possibly be serious about running in 2012, is she? You know what, I’m not even going to bother with coming up with any more jokes than the lame one I’ve already dropped. That last question is a big enough joke by itself.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ADDED JULY 4

Okay, so I posted the first part of this entry rather quickly last night before going out for the evening. But then I started to think about it. Why did she make this announcement on a Friday afternoon right before a holiday weekend? That’s what you do with news that you want to sweep under the rug, not celebrate. And it’s one thing to announce that you won’t be running for re-election. She’s forfeiting the game with time still left on the clock.

Seriously, all that insane babbling about having fun as a lame duck…that’s not even relevant at this point because she was still in the midst of her first term. It really makes no sense. Of course, nominating her as the VP pick for the GOP didn’t make much sense either. Maybe that’s just her modus operandi: Confuse them into voting for you.

So, is she just “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs” crazy? Or is she leaving for reasons as yet undisclosed? Are there skeletons trying to break out of her igloo? Late night trysts with all those Russians she can see from her house? Or does she really think she has a shot at the 2012 GOP presidential nomination?

I’d say stay tuned, but frankly, I just want her to go away. Not only does she make women look ridiculously stupid, but she’s making the GOP look inept and flaky. Even though I’m not much on Republican love, I also don’t believe in kicking a dog when it’s down.

Senator Stuart Smalley

Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and...oh, you know the rest.
Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and...oh, you know the rest.

I know that our government is backward and slow 5,000 different ways or more, but this was a bit ridiculous. The Minnesota State Supreme Court has just issued a unanimous ruling in favor of Al Franken being the winner of November’s Senate race. Yeah. November 2008. This would be the last day of June 2009.

Franken’s opponent, Norm Coleman, has been the spanner in the works ever since the November election, claiming “inconsistent practices by local elections officials and wrong decisions by a lower court had denied him victory.” There’s still a possibility that he will take this to the U.S. Supreme Court.

Remember when Al Gore wanted to protest the Florida bullshiggidy regarding miscounted votes for the 2000 presidential election and Republicans mouthed off about how he was a sore loser and he needed to just step aside and let the winner spoil the take…er, take the spoils? I guess Republicans are of the “do as I say and not as I do” generation.

(Not that I’m in any way insinuating that this is the same situation in reverse; truth be told, I haven’t really been following the meat and potatoes of this race. I just know that it’s been dragging on for forever. I’m sure, though, that Rush and Ann and Sean will all be able to update me on how “the fix is in.”)

Personally, I don’t really know how I would feel about having a former Saturday Night Live writer/performer as my new U.S. Senator. Then again, Minnesota did vote for a former WWE wrestler for their governor. And, hell, we as a nation did vote for a former actor to be U.S. President for 8 years. Well, “we” not meaning me. If I hadn’t been only 3 years old the year Reagan first ran for president, you can be sure I wouldn’t have voted for him.

I’ll be interested to see what Mr. Franken does now that he is theoretically heading to Washington, D.C. And I’ll be sure to take him a nice Bundt cake as a housewarming gift.

Appalachia? Argentina? Adultery!!

No, I don't think you know what I want for Father's Day this year...
No, I don't think you know what I want for Father's Day this year...

So maybe you didn’t hear that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford went a little AWOL for a while. He just ambled away one day and didn’t tell anyone where he was going. He kind of mentioned that he was thinking about hiking the Appalachian Trail, so his staffers assumed that this was what he was doing. They even sent out a press release indicating that this was indeed where he was.

SIKE. Just playing. He was really in Argentina. Schtooping his mistress.

That’s right, you’ve read correctly: GOP Governor Mark Sanford

Presidential Age-Off: Bartlet v. Roslin

Two of my all-time favorite television shows are Aaron Sorkin’s The West Wing and Ron Moore’s reboot of Battlestar Galactica. Interestingly enough, at the heart of both shows is a strong vein of politics played both fairly and deceptively (not that big a surprise from the former show, but a lovely layer of the latter that made it such a pleasure to watch).

Both shows also featured presidents, one of the United States and one of what’s left of the 12 colonies of Caprica. Martin Sheen played U.S. President Jed Bartlet, a bright beacon of hope during the dismal darkness of the real Bush II presidency. Mary McDonnell portrayed Laura Roslin, former Secretary of Education who found herself thrust into the presidency when all in line before her were killed in the Cylon attack on Caprica that started the BSG journey.

Beyond the obvious similarities, both of these presidents held health secrets from their constituents. Bartlet had relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis. By the end of the show, the disease was causing a rapid and noticeable decay of his body.

In the very first episode of BSG, Roslin learns that she has terminal cancer. By the end of BSG…well…like I said, she had terminal cancer. I’m sure you can figure this one out on your own.

Now even under the healthiest situations, a president always leaves his station looking much more bedraggled and aged than he did coming into it. Look at recent evidence. Du(m)bya left looking much older than the actual numbers of his age (or his IQ). And the only way Clinton was still feeling young at the end of his presidency was when he was groping up interns in the Oval Office. Several have even pointed out that Obama is already starting to show more gray than he did prior to January 20, 2009.

Add the strain of an incurable disease and you’re bound to look even more wrung out, right? Certainly was the case with President Bartlet.

bartlet-bae

In the beginning, he was a middle-aged statesman, with still dark hair and minimal lines to his face. He was commanding and centered and the White House was bright with hope in his presence. By the end, however, he’d gone gray with white at his temples, the lines had deepened, his stance slouched and aided by a cane, and the brightness of his new administration slowly dimming to a close (aren’t these photographers just too clever?).

Yes, I’m sure that some of this was makeup decisions done to enhance the strain of both being president and fighting a once relapsed illness that is now making up for wasted time.

BUT…then there is Laura Roslin.

roslin-bae

To borrow that ridiculous BSG epithet: What the frack?!

Seriously, I cannot even begin to express the joy I felt inside when I saw Mary McDonnell that first time as Laura Roslin. It had been a while since I had last seen her, and then there she was, wrinkles and crow’s feet, and looking absolutely beautiful. Even better, she looked REAL. And I was filled with so much hope and happiness that here was an actress who was embracing her age and all the lines that came with it, and doing it with incomparable grace.

This second photo is how she appeared in the final season. You could bounce a quarter off her face, it’s so tight. Dull, expressionless forehead. No more lines around her eyes or her mouth. What you don’t see in this photo, but what was depressingly obvious in the show, is the fact that this “youthful” appearance came with a price. One side of her mouth droops now as though she’s had a stroke. Her eyes also don’t always blink synchronously anymore.

This was supposed to be a woman who was leading the remnants of a destroyed world through the unknown dangers of space while fighting a seemingly unstoppable Cylon enemy and being slowly consumed by incurable cancer. But this is how she looked at the end. Yes, they did her up on the show with pale makeup and a “cancer” wig (which is what she’s wearing in this second photo). But that face…

It was perfectly acceptable to show the progression of age and illness with Bartlet, but Roslin not only had to lead the colonists to earth, but she had to do it while apparently paying regular visits to Doc Cottle for galactic Botox injections. Maybe he was really just injecting her cancer treatments straight into her face and this was the end result.

jlange

Obviously, what I’m really doing at this point is screaming into the roar of the Hollywood machine that makes women feel less than publicly acceptable if they dare show even one shadow of an age line on their face. How else can we explain this recent photo of the now perpetually surprised Jessica Lange? Would you have even known this was Lange had I not identified her? I sure as hell didn’t recognize her without a caption.

And why is this acceptable? Because we’ve got fat tubs of douche like Rush Limbaugh clogging up the airwaves with “relevant” questions like is this country ready to have to watch Hillary Clinton age if she became president. Newsflash, Tubby: You’re not looking any younger (or thinner) yourself.

We all get old. It’s a fact of life. I’m in my early 30s, but I can see time leaving little trails across my face. Wrinkles around my eyes, parenthetical lines on each side of my mouth, a bagginess to my eyelids. Who gives a shit? The lines come from living, and I’d far rather have lines than not live. And guess what? You can tighten your face to the point of splitting in two and it’s not going to fool the Reaper.

For two seasons, Mary McDonnell made me so very happy when I would see her very real and very beautiful lines. I can’t say that I blame her or fault her for her decision to join the plastic posse. I can’t imagine the pressure she and her female acting peers must feel to constantly look 25. But just once, I’d like for an actress to just flip the double bird and embrace her age and all that it brings with it

Defense Rests

Have you heard? GOP Golden Child Senator John Ensign from Nevada announced last night that he had an affair with a former campaign staffer. Ensign, the fourth ranking leader in the GOP who many speculated was eyeing a run at the White House in 2012, supports the Defense of Marriage Act and voted to add a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.

A few years ago, Senator Ensign led the call for the resignation of GOP Senator Larry Craig from Idaho. You remember him, right? The senator caught trying to solicit sex in a Minnesota airport men’s room? Yeah. Senator Craig also voted for the Constitutional banning of gay marriage and supported the Defense of Marriage Act. He’s still married to his beard…I mean, his wife. But he’s no longer a senator.

All of this, of course, was started by Bill Clinton, who signed the Defense of Marriage Act into law while he was president. And we all know the length [ahem] of his marital indiscretions. (Oh, by the way, John Ensign was one of the loudest voices, along with then GOP Representative Newt Gingrich, calling for Clinton to resign for his marital dalliances).

Speaking of Newt, he’s another gay marriage opponent who was called out for diddling someone other than his wife. Well, Wife Number Two. He’s been married three times. His third wife is the one he was fooling around with while still married to his second wife.

And let’s not forget those very vocal media supporters of gay marriage bans and defending the “sanctity” of marriage. Mr. Rush Limbaugh, for instance. Married three times. Divorced three times. Bill O’Reilly. Only one wife. Also one sexual harassment suit filed against him in 2004 by a former Fox television producer, Andrea Mackris, who claimed that O’Reilly called her repeatedly for sexually explicit conversations involving, among other things, vibrators and falafel (the latter being what O’Reilly thought a loofah was called). The suit was settled out of court, with O’Reilly allegedly paying Mackris several million dollars, more than likely just to make her go away so he could continue on with his own “defense of marriage” ranting.

Hmm. Who else…how about another Democrat? Marion Barry, unrepentant crack whore. Married four times. Divorced four times. Last month, Barry was the only hold-out vote on a D.C. bill that would recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states. Although Barry claims to support gay rights, his vote was contingent upon the fact that “The Black community is just adamant against [gay marriage].” Hmm. There were lots of White people adamantly against desegregation back in the day, weren’t there, Mr. Barry? Bet you’re glad the politicians from those days didn’t use your lame-ass excuse when they voted.

And what is it exactly that these staunch “defenders” of marriage are fighting against?

  • One of the first same-sex marriages to legally occur in San Francisco was between 83-year-old Phyllis Lyon and 87-year-old Del Martin. They were only married for just shy of three months before Martin passed away. Prior to their legal nuptials, however, they’d been together for 56 years.
  • Actress Lily Tomlin has been with Jane Wagner for almost 40 years.
  • Actor George “Sulu” Takei recently married his partner, Brad Altman. Prior to their nuptials, they’d been together for 21 years.
  • Wisconsin Representative Tammy Baldwin has been with Lauren Anzar for more than a decade.
  • Actor Richard Chamberlain has been with Martin Rabbett since the mid-1970s.
  • Mary Cheney, daughter of former vice dick President Cheney…er, former vice president Dick Cheney, has been with Heather Poe for almost 20 years.
  • Playwright Tony Kushner has been with Mark Harris for more than a decade as well.

Wait. I’m sorry. Who exactly is defending the sanctity of marriage again?