Damn but I wish I’d bought some Johnson & Johnson stock recently.

So you know those plastic containers that you find in convenience stores, usually filled with fun stuff like atomic fireballs or Jolly Ranchers? These containers are all over my work. Every floor. At the reception desk. In the kitchen. Everywhere. Only instead of being filled with groovy candy, they’re filled with tiny bottles of Purell. My company has also installed automatic Purell dispensers near the elevators and the restrooms.

We are ready, mo’ fo’!

For what, exactly? Apparently, for the inevitable swine flu pandemic. This is Phase I. I’m not really sure what Phase II is going to be. Actually, I’m not completely sure about Phase I. What are we supposed to do with all these little bottles of Purell? If my office mate starts to sneeze too much, am I supposed to squirt Purell all over her? Will that kill the H1N1 virus? Will it ruin her clothes? Will male coworkers stop and watch?

Hmm.

I don’t know why we go to such extremes over the silliest things. It’s the flu, people. We go through flu season every year. This is simply another strain of the flu of which we need to be aware. Caution is required. But not panic. Or “pandemic.” Although I’m sure that the hand sanitizer folks couldn’t be happier right now. It’s like the perfect marketing storm for them. Same for the cleaning supply folks. Bet those Clorox wipes haven’t flown off the shelves this fast in years.

Not that I would ever imply that companies would rejoice over profits made from undue bouts of mass hysteria…