I had one of those strange memory-inducing moments this morning while waiting for the elevator (because I used to walk up 11 flights of stairs until one morning my knees went, “Yeah, we’re over 30 now and we don’t really want to do this anymore”). There was a smell in the lobby that instantly transported me back to being a teenager: It was the smell of Salon Selectives hairspray.
During my high school years, I was a massive hairspray abuser. In fact, I cop to the fact that probably 1/5 of that giant ozone hole can be linked back to me. I had massive metal hair back then – long in the back, sometimes teased out on the sides, and hella high on the top. So high, in fact, that I used to slouch down while driving so that my bangs wouldn’t catch on the ceiling lining in my Chevette. My dad called it my “sideways rooster comb.” Thinking back now, that was a pretty fair assessment. I’m still trying to locate a photo of this mythical beast at the height (pardon my punnage) of its greatness.
For a while, Salon Selectives was my hairspray of choice. The problem, though, was that it was a pump spray. I swear I started to develop a case of arthritis in my index finger from all that pump action. Then I discovered the ozone-crushing greatness that is Aussie Mega Styling Spray. Well, okay, maybe not ozone-crushing; they did claim to be CFC free and environmentally friendly. But that’s not why I loved this hairspray. It also wasn’t because of how it smelled. In fact, if memory serves me correctly, the smell was quite reminiscent of one of those half-moon hanging toilet bowl deodorizers that they used to sell in Safeway.
No, what I loved most about this spray was that it was an aerosol can. Pump action be damned! That aerosol afforded me the ability, with one solid press-and-hold action, to turn my teased amalgamation of crazy metal hair into an unstoppable wall. This can states that the hairspray produces a “flexible hold.” Not if you point it at your hair and hold the nozzle down for 20-second spurts. You could have bounced a quarter off my bangs, they were so spray-solid.
The truly pathetic thing is how quickly I could blast through a can of this stuff. The can shown here is only 14 ounces. I’m almost positive that the can I used to buy was close to double this size. That can used to last me maybe 2 weeks. Maybe. To give you a better idea, I now use Herbal Essences hairspray, which comes in an 8-ounce can. That puppy will last me close to 3 months. Of course, that might have to do with the fact that I hardly do anything with my hair anymore. If it parts in the middle and doesn’t frizz too much in the humidity, I feel as though I’ve accomplished something great.
Anyway, view this entry as my official kick-off to a new segment here at the lair: Flashback Fridays. In an attempt to get myself back in the mindset of regular blogging, I am committing to at least once a week, stopping in to bore you all with some inane piece of my adolescence that I think is worthy of documenting. Ooh. Exciting!
