BookBin2010: Extreme Measures

I remember buying Michael Palmer’s book Extreme Measures during one of the first visits I ever made to my favorite used book store. It’s been nearly a decade since I started visiting this particular store, so that should give you an idea of how long this book has been waiting for me to do something other than dust it off every few months, flip through it, and make that stupid “Wow, this has been on my bookshelf for a really long time…I should probably read it at some point” grunt that I make about way too many books.

I’m not even sure why I bought this book. I’ve never read Palmer before and, while I have seen the movie, I didn’t really remember liking it enough to want to read the book (I didn’t remember hating it either, so perhaps that was what inspired me to buy the book? I don’t really know…). Whatever the reason, I finally cracked open my copy…and spent the entire time thinking to myself, “Did I actually see this movie? Or was I imagining things?”

I was so confused by the time I finished this book that I didn’t want to write about it until I had the chance to re-watch the movie (which is why it’s taken me more than a month since I finished the book to write this post). Thankfully, what I discovered is that I did, indeed, see this movie…and it’s not really my fault that I didn’t recognize all that much between the two stories. The movie is only tangentially linked to the book, if that. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that the title is the only thing that both can honestly claim to share. Otherwise, these are two completely different stories built upon the diaphanous shards of a vaguely similar premise.

This isn’t necessarily a negative thing. True, I walk a thin line of tolerance/disdain when it comes to Hollywood mucking about with a book’s storyline. I admittedly prefer to see books represented onscreen in the most true-to-the-source-material ways possible. However, I’m all right with deviations if creative license is wielded well.

Do I think this is the case with Extreme Measures? No, not really. Of course, I don’t really think all that much about either story. Regardless of which version you choose, it’s a rather inevitable medical mystery thriller composed mostly of predictable plot points and paint-by-number villainy. My main complaint, I suppose, is that the movie version is guilty of a “White-washing” of Palmer’s characters.

In the book, the protagonist is Dr. Eric Najarian, a successful, well-respected Armenian doctor working at a Boston hospital. A possible foil of his is a Haitian doctor. In the movie, Gene Hackman plays the foil to Hugh Grant and Hugh Grant’s Floppy HairTM. Two White actors hired to play characters loosely based on two ethnic characters whose respective ethnicities were important to their personalities and/or actions.

This seems like a huge missed opportunity to have hired actors of proper ethnicities for these roles. Then again, the screenplay was so utterly different from the original book that the ethnic flavor was completely gone at that point…so it didn’t really matter. Neither does the movie. Or the book, really.

As you can tell, Extreme Measures left an overwhelming “meh” taste in my mouth. If you’ve seen the movie and liked it, I’d say give the book a go. You’re in for quite a different experience. However, if your opinion of the movie is similarly unenthusiastic, don’t bother with the book. I’d hate to spread the meh…it’s a rather unpalatable flavor.

Final Verdict: Though it’s been almost a decade since I liberated this book from the used book store, I do believe it’s time to finally return it to its previous home. Time for someone else to dust it…

The Bajoran and The Beast

The anachronistic fustercluckery of this cover delights and disturbs me in equal measure. Ro Laren in a dress that looks like a reject from a Smut Trek bodice ripper romance? Running from…what? A Jawa with a raging case of gigantism and osteoporosis? And she’s holding a Cardassian phaser? In her left hand?

[Loba Tangent: Yes, I do notice things like this…I’m left-handed, so I almost always register when someone is similarly dexterous. Ro Laren, however, was not a southpaw. Neither was Admiral Cain or Maryann Forrester. Michelle Forbes, however…also isn’t left-handed. Just so you know.]

It’s all too much. And yet not even close to being enough. I want need to know what this comic is about. Although in my mind, I’ve decided that this is a really bad first date, and that look of murderous intent in Ro’s eyes is either: A) Because she’s now on her way to assassinate the creator of IntergalacticHarmony.com for completely botching her request for someone “dark and mysterious, with a sense of Old World adventure” or; B) Because she’s had enough of Tall, Dark, and Bony grabbing her…bustle.

Whatever is going on, I can’t stop laughing at this cover. Silly Star Trek comics, you just don’t care about continuity at all, do you?

If you find yourself needing to know more about this particular comic and my explanation just isn’t cutting it for you, then might I direct you to this electronic comic book collection, brought to you by Santa Timmy and his lovely worker elves at ThinkGeek. Consider it my gift to you at this festive Tribblemas…

He’s Bread, Jim

The theme for our division’s door-decorating extravaganza this year was “gingerbread men.” Most people in the division went the traditional route, gumdrop buttons at all.

Most people in the division aren’t raging geeks. Thank the prophets I am. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have…”The Gingerbread Man Trap”:

It’s not nearly as detailed as the OCD/anal-retentive part of me would like, but it’ll do.

Flashback Friday: Jim Henson

On the grounds of the University of Maryland at College Park, there is a special spot dedicated to the person I would consider the most famous alumnus to ever walk the grounds of my alma mater:

There are certain key architects to the craziness known as LobaBlanca, and Jim Henson is most assuredly one of them. His was a creative genius that I think remains unparalleled even more than 20 years after his death (20 years? Dear prophets, has it really been that long?!) He was the eternal child, never afraid to let loose his exquisite imagination and deliver to us a cavalcade of whimsy and mischief, all in that trademark Muppet form. I’ve adored Kermit and his crew since I was a wee pup and can’t really imagine a life spent without knowing the joys of Henson’s magic. To this day, I can’t help but smile like a fool when I hear this theme:

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/UlXMboPnETU?fs=1&hl=en_US&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6

Every single memory evoked by The Muppet Show theme is a happy one…Miss Piggy and her Kermie, Statler and Waldorf, Gonzo and his chicken fetish, Pigs…In…Space!!, wacka-wacka-wacka, meep, meep!!, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, the Swedish Chef, manamanah! Manamanah?

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/aKULi72yUko?fs=1&hl=en_US&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6

Manamanah.

David Bowie has more balls than you...

Plus, there were the Fraggles, the neighbors of Sesame Street, naughty Saturday Night Live sketches from the show’s earliest years, Jedi Master Yoda (voiced by Miss Piggy himself, Frank Oz), The Dark Crystal…and Labyrinth. This remains one of my favorite movies. It introduced me to Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie…and David Bowie’s magnificent package. Seriously, only Henson could have gotten away with having someone dressed like Jareth the Goblin King in a children’s movie…and only David Bowie could have pulled it off.

Also…wait for the Trek reference in 3…2…1…She Who Would Be Gates was the choreographer for Labyrinth and several other Henson movies. Even before I knew who she was, she was playing an integral role in my life. Oh, sweet serendipity, how I adore thee.

Henson was one of those rare souls who never seemed at a loss for creativity, and his untimely death was one of the first from the celebrity world to impact me on a personal level. How could I not mourn the death of a man who had brought so much joy to my childhood and who showed me that there should never be a point in anyone’s life when they are “too old” for silliness such as this.

Even his funeral was uncommon, with friends and colleagues expressing their love and joy at having once had “just one person” in their lives as wonderful as Henson through song and Muppetry and Dixieland jazz. Henson didn’t want a mournful service and, even though you knew all their hearts were breaking, his friends gave him the magical send-off he requested…and deserved. There are still clips of his memorial service online at YouTube, but I thought I’d post this one:

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/0Zzfdlxjx4Y?fs=1&hl=en_US&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6

What you don’t see in this clip, unfortunately, is that there were Muppeteers scattered throughout the congregation who stood up with their Muppets to sing along with this song as it continued. Besides being beautiful for bringing together so many of Henson’s creations in a celebration of his life, this moment from his memorial service served as the inspiration for this scene from Love Actually:

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/zTNZgwZsrq0?fs=1&hl=en_US&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6

See? All you need is love. And Muppets. And David Bowie’s package.

Ay, Mamita!

Sometimes you stumble across something so bizarre…and yet so strangely entertaining…that you can’t stop looking at it. Perhaps that’s a statement only applicable to the truly obsessive by nature, but I do believe that I undeniably fall under the purview of this particular categorization (you may have noticed that I can sometimes obsess about certain things here at the lair [cough, cough] Star Trek [cough, cough]).

So it is with this video:

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/m1jZsGjjjAQ?fs=1&hl=en_US&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6

Bet you weren’t in a million years expecting that ending, were you? I mean, what about a Merengue-rapping dachshund, dancing girls in hoodie dresses and go-go boots, exploding avocados, and random Lucha Libre wrestlers, all undulating to the rhythm of a Latin fusion beat says “paper towel commercial” to you? It wasn’t immediately obvious to me either, but this write-up gives away a bit of the thought process behind this commercial, at the end of the article.

Whatever the reasons, I can’t stop watching this silly video. I even caught myself humming the tune as I was walking to my car after work. So I’ve decided to post it here, for all you lovely denizens. I figure, if I can’t stop watching it, at least I can maybe attract some company to obsess along with me…

Ay, mamita…

You’re a Wonder

Not that long ago, I lamented that I would probably never see a photo of my grandmother in her WAVES uniform. I’ve been searching through every stash of family photos and papers that I can get my hands on for several years now, trying to locate such a photo, but to no avail.

This weekend, while visiting my dad, I came across a container I’d never seen before, sitting on the floor next to his computer. Inside the container were stacks of family photos. Buried deep in one of those stacks was this:

It’s blurry and badly damaged (someone ripped half the photo away at some point, so I have no idea who she’s saluting…although in my mind I’ve decided she’s saluting Yeoman Prince) and in desperate need of some PhotoShop love…but all that is incidental. This is my grandmother, our family’s very own Wonder Woman…only she never had to spin in place to show us the powers she possessed. She was gracious and kind-hearted, erudite and whimsical, always the magnetic core of any room she entered.

Simply put, she was wonderful.

Peepers

I told you, denizens: Once upon a time, we had a pet squirrel. My dad discovered this little tiny baby squirrel in our front yard. She was so small, her eyes hadn’t even opened, yet by some miracle of universal proportions, she survived without a scratch a fall that would have left a human with at least several broken bones.

When she finally opened her eyes, I named her “Peepers.” Not the most brilliant name imaginable, but cut me a break…I was 7 years old. We’d always let Peepers run free whenever we were in the kitchen. I’m sure that most people probably cringe at the thought of a little wild animal, running about in an area where food is prepared and eaten. What can I say, we’re hopeless pet lovers. Besides, how can you not think this is adorable?

My mother adored Peepers. It seems to me that if Peepers wasn’t in her cage, she was on my mom’s shoulder. I know that’s not completely true, but that’s just the image I have stuck in my mind. It’s no surprise, then, that this is one of my favorite pictures of my mom:

59

I promised you I would come home for your birthday.

We spent the day celebrating you: eating what we knew you would have enjoyed, doing things we wished we could have done with you if only one more time, remembering the happiness you could bring and trying just for a while to forget the emptiness you left behind.

And now, tonight it’s snowing. The yard is blanketed in white, and the soft sizzle of falling snow fills the night air. I know you would be delighted. Snow on your birthday, a perfect complement to the Christmas tree I know you would have had me set up today.

There’s pie and ice cream and a final toast to be made in your honor before the evening’s end, and maybe we’ll watch some slides of birthdays and holidays past…evoke your spirit just a little while longer.

Happy birthday, Mom.

Flashback Friday: Clue

Two of my Internet PersonalitiesTM just had a conversation that sounded something like this:

R: Hey, remember Clue?
L: Yeah, I love that movie!
R: So do I! It’s one of my favorite childhood movies!
L: Mine, too!!
R: So why haven’t you ever written about it for a Flashback Friday?
L: Uh…I have. But thanks for reading my blog. Jerk.
R: Don’t make me space you.
L: I’d like to see you try, Ridges.
R: Okay, that’s it!! Bring it, Wolf Girl!!

It was at this point that I had to step in and break things up before things got messy. Things are messy enough inside my brain…I don’t need blood and fur flying up there, too. Needless to say, though, I am surprised to realize that I have, indeed, never written about Clue here at the lair. Time to rectify this severe lapse in my judgment.

Seriously, though, there’s not all that much to say about this movie. I wish I could say that it’s a cinematic classic that will endure for ages as a masterpiece of modern film making.

In truth, it’s a completely ridiculous mid-80s ensemble flick based on a silly board game. Still, it delights me to my core for how it continues to make me laugh and evoke the best childhood memories. This was one of the movies that we always watched at my BFF’s annual birthday slumber party (you know, when I wasn’t busy barfing Dimetapp all over their hall). This was also the first time that I ever saw several of the actors and actresses with whom I would inevitably fall in love, including Christopher “Where we’re going, we won’t need roads” Lloyd, that sweet transsexual Transylvanian transvestite Tim Curry, and Madeline Kahn, who remains one of the funniest human beings to have ever existed.

Even if you’ve never played the game Clue (like me…I’ve never played it and never intend to…remember, I told you once before, I don’t like board games), you can still understand and enjoy this movie. It’s solid, silly fun, innocent enough for your inner child but with plenty of double entendres and subtle sexiness to titillate your adult exterior. And wanna talk quote fest? This movie is jam-packed with some of the silliest one-liners and character exchanges of any movie I’ve ever seen.

Plus, it’s got three different endings! What’s not to love about that?

See, the film makers decided that, in order to keep that board game “unexpected outcome” feeling, they made three endings for the movie. They then proceeded to send out random copies of the three different prints to all the movie theaters that planned to show Clue. So your “killer” ending depended on where you saw the movie. I think that’s pretty damned clever. Plus, if you own the DVD (which I do), you can select an option that will randomize the ending you see. Never fear, though: You can also select the option that will allow you to see all three endings.

So, there you go. If you haven’t seen this movie, check it out. If you have seen it…see it again. Loba’s orders. Oh, and remember, monkey’s brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington D.C.

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/NHEpuz_gUGM?fs=1&hl=en_US&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6