Funny

Kiss My Kirk

~ lobablanca

kissmykirk

Love the glam-rock showmanship of KISS? Can’t get enough of the real James Tiberius Kirk? Then you need KISS My Kirk, the smash collection that’s sweeping the Alpha Quadrant! Packed to the hilt with hits like:

  • All-American Kirk
  • She’s So Orion
  • Tribbles of the Night
  • (City on the Edge of) Forever
  • God Gave Kirk, Spock and Bones to You
  • Fits Like a Girdle
  • Photon Torpedo Girl
  • Warp Machine

…and much, much more! Transfer 20 Federation credits to LobaBlanca.com and download your copy of KISS My Kirk today!

First 100 to download this collection will receive a free Tribble*.

*LobaBlanca.com is not responsible if the Tribble you receive is already pregnant. LobaBlanca.com warns you that you need to have at least 40 acres of land available to house the inevitable Tribble brood that you will inherit should you be one of the lucky recipients of a free Tribble. LobaBlanca.com also recommends that you learn how to grow quadrotriticale to feed your Tribbles. A lot of quadrotriticale.

(See what happens when I have some spare time and access to PhotoShop?)

Queen for a Day

~ lobablanca

Okay, so Victoria was Queen of England for quite a bit more than just a day. However, in honor of Canada’s Victoria Day celebrations today, I’d like to direct you to one of my favorite comic strips, New Adventures of Queen Victoria. This strip, as “drawn” by Pab Sungenis, is more of a celebration of all things PhotoShop combined with a wicked sense of humor…er, humour.

Even better, today’s strip marks the beginning of a storyline that will focus on the new Star Trek movie. I warn you now, though…after skimming Pab’s blog, I do believe that he is planning on skewering the new movie quite a bit (although probably not as deeply as he skins it on his blog). Seems Mr. Sungenis did not care much for J.J. Abrams’ reboot of the Trek universe.

Ooh…controversy on Victoria Day!

Only In My Dreams

~ lobablanca

Debbie Gibson. Now there’s a linchpin name from my adolescence. Had all her tapes. Wanted a fedora like she wore in her Electric Youth days. Loved her. Don’t care that it lost me metal street cred.

Deborah Gibson. Playboy pictures, Beauty and the Beast, “Don’t call me Debbie”…and now this. This glorious trailer. It’s not a joke, but an actual straight-to-DVD movie called Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. I guess it’s supposed to be cashing in on the success of the Alien vs. Predator franchise? Whatever it is, it’s kept me laughing all morning. I don’t even really have anything else to say about it. I just hope it makes someone else out there laugh as much as I have.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa7ck5mcd1o&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&border=1]

Muffins!

~ lobablanca

Dude, your mom’s got some seriously scary muffins.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tcR19y7GPM&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&border=1]

Okay, so if you’re not familiar with the YouTube greatness that is Liam Kyle Sullivan, then consider this to be your introduction. And while the muffins sketch is one of my favorites, he’s probably more well known on the Interwebs for his character, “Kelly” with her incurable addiction to “Shoes” and her tirade against “Text Message Breakups.”

I warn you now, these last two links are NSFW, so if you listen to them around coworkers, have your earbuds handy. Actually, most of Liam’s stuff is NSFW, a fact that is accentuated by the Margaret Cho seal of approval (she appears in several of the “Kelly” pieces).

If you enjoy what you see, check out Liam’s YouTube user section, where you can see more of his creations as well as more of the lovely Vampiress Heather from “Text Message Breakup” in her own series of vlogs.

Oh, and just for fun, here’s another work-safe video, to whet your appetite.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxStmceNTs8&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&border=1]

Peace out, betches.

Forever Young?

~ lobablanca
WAY scarier than Chucky
WAY scarier than Chucky

I’m not the greatest when it comes to numbers. I admit this fact willingly. I harp on this fact, actually. It really helps when numbers issues come up at work; no one comes to Loba for number help. Loba like.

That being said, take a look at this quote from Hugh Jackman regarding his fear of dolls:

“When dolls come to life in films, that just freaks me out, I just can’t stand that. Chucky? Forget that. I remember when I was a little kid, and that little doll in the rocking chair going, ‘Take the girl right up the hill and kiss the girl goodbye’… I’m like, forget that! That freaks me out.”

Okay, the bold font in that quote is my emphasis. Little kid? Dude, you were born in 1968. Child’s Play came out in 1988. Since when did 20 years old qualify as “little kid” age?

Don’t get me wrong, Hugh. I still consider myself to be a big kid, too, even at 32. But…um…seriously? Child’s Play freaked you out? You’re supposed to be Wolverine, mate. This is something you maybe should have kept a bit closer to your muscly chest, no?

Now if you’d said clowns freaked you out, that would have been a completely different story. Clowns are fucking scary.

Amazon.com Pre-order Fail

~ lobablanca

Whoever came up with the system that provides recommendations to Amazon.com customers based on their previous purchases really needs to tweak a few things. I just received the following notice:

preorder

Because, truly, if any two movies belong together, they are Kalifornia and the Beethoven series. In fact, I don’t think a better cinematic pairing has occurred since the splendiferous serendipity of the Candyman/Mary Poppins double feature at the 1998 Fhuthawuckia Festival.

Actually, this pairing reminds me of one of my favorite YouTube videos. Some clever git out there recut scenes from Mary Poppins and turned them into a trailer for a horror movie called Scary Mary. Quite effective job they did, too.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T5_0AGdFic&hl=en&fs=1]

Green Around the Gills

~ lobablanca
Come on in! The water's slime!
Come on in! The water's slime!

One of the perks of my current job is that I have an office with windows. Of course, with a view like this, sometimes that can be quite the deterrent. Yes, that is a photo of a swimming pool. No, I did not do anything to the photo to make it that color. That’s au naturale, baby!

I’m not really sure why the apartment building across the street has decided to remove the cover from their pool so early in the season. It is, after all, only the 10th of March (never mind the wildly fluctuating temperatures that left us with snow one Sunday and 70 degrees the next). I just hope that they do something about that color. Looks like the Muppet Mafia did a Kermit body dump that’s now gone into full decomp. 😮

And, yes, I am still watching CSI, thank you very much.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!

~ lobablanca
Chia Mohawk Scooby
Ch-ch-ch-chia!

I received a Chia Scooby for Christmas. It’s a bit of a paradox gift for me actually, because it combines one of my biggest childhood loves (Rooby Roo!) with something that I simply cannot do (make anything grow). But I decided to give it the old college try, and I’m actually succeeding. True, Scooby does look a bit like he’s growing a mohawk rather than a full head of Chia hair, but I like him looking a bit punk anyway.

Of course, this started me thinking about other speciality Chia heads I would love to see, like Chia Tribbles, Chia Roseanne Roseannadanna, Chia Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder version only, please), Chia Mr. T…it’s quite an endless game, really.

Now, if I could just grow a Chia Bed here in my office, maybe I can start working on reclaiming that hour that was stolen from me this weekend…