Have you heard? GOP Golden Child Senator John Ensign from Nevada announced last night that he had an affair with a former campaign staffer. Ensign, the fourth ranking leader in the GOP who many speculated was eyeing a run at the White House in 2012, supports the Defense of Marriage Act and voted to add a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.

A few years ago, Senator Ensign led the call for the resignation of GOP Senator Larry Craig from Idaho. You remember him, right? The senator caught trying to solicit sex in a Minnesota airport men’s room? Yeah. Senator Craig also voted for the Constitutional banning of gay marriage and supported the Defense of Marriage Act. He’s still married to his beard…I mean, his wife. But he’s no longer a senator.

All of this, of course, was started by Bill Clinton, who signed the Defense of Marriage Act into law while he was president. And we all know the length [ahem] of his marital indiscretions. (Oh, by the way, John Ensign was one of the loudest voices, along with then GOP Representative Newt Gingrich, calling for Clinton to resign for his marital dalliances).

Speaking of Newt, he’s another gay marriage opponent who was called out for diddling someone other than his wife. Well, Wife Number Two. He’s been married three times. His third wife is the one he was fooling around with while still married to his second wife.

And let’s not forget those very vocal media supporters of gay marriage bans and defending the “sanctity” of marriage. Mr. Rush Limbaugh, for instance. Married three times. Divorced three times. Bill O’Reilly. Only one wife. Also one sexual harassment suit filed against him in 2004 by a former Fox television producer, Andrea Mackris, who claimed that O’Reilly called her repeatedly for sexually explicit conversations involving, among other things, vibrators and falafel (the latter being what O’Reilly thought a loofah was called). The suit was settled out of court, with O’Reilly allegedly paying Mackris several million dollars, more than likely just to make her go away so he could continue on with his own “defense of marriage” ranting.

Hmm. Who else…how about another Democrat? Marion Barry, unrepentant crack whore. Married four times. Divorced four times. Last month, Barry was the only hold-out vote on a D.C. bill that would recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states. Although Barry claims to support gay rights, his vote was contingent upon the fact that “The Black community is just adamant against [gay marriage].” Hmm. There were lots of White people adamantly against desegregation back in the day, weren’t there, Mr. Barry? Bet you’re glad the politicians from those days didn’t use your lame-ass excuse when they voted.

And what is it exactly that these staunch “defenders” of marriage are fighting against?

• One of the first same-sex marriages to legally occur in San Francisco was between 83-year-old Phyllis Lyon and 87-year-old Del Martin. They were only married for just shy of three months before Martin passed away. Prior to their legal nuptials, however, they’d been together for 56 years.
• Actress Lily Tomlin has been with Jane Wagner for almost 40 years.
• Actor George “Sulu” Takei recently married his partner, Brad Altman. Prior to their nuptials, they’d been together for 21 years.
• Wisconsin Representative Tammy Baldwin has been with Lauren Anzar for more than a decade.
• Actor Richard Chamberlain has been with Martin Rabbett since the mid-1970s.
• Mary Cheney, daughter of former vice dick President Cheney…er, former vice president Dick Cheney, has been with Heather Poe for almost 20 years.
• Playwright Tony Kushner has been with Mark Harris for more than a decade as well.

Wait. I’m sorry. Who exactly is defending the sanctity of marriage again?