Gaming Glory: Wolfenstein 3D

Get Psyched!
Get Psyched!

Deep in that dusty corner of my mental filing system, where childhood memories are shuffled off to be archived by those few working brain cells I haven’t saturated with Captain Morgan, there resides a special place for today’s selection: Wolfenstein 3D.

This was not only the first FPS that I ever played, but it was my first PC game as well (not counting my Texas Instrument days). I remember well the 5-1/4-inch floppy that contained the shareware version of the first episode (or was it freeware?). I never played more than this episode, so I never got to take on Hitler himself. But the first episode was satisfying enough, especially when playing in “Death Incarnate” mode. This was also probably the only FPS I ever played without the aid of any cheat codes. Guess that’s why it took me so long (damn the Internet for not being there for me when I needed it!).

I distinctly remember the terror of leading our hero,

Muffins!

Dude, your mom’s got some seriously scary muffins.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tcR19y7GPM&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&border=1]

Okay, so if you’re not familiar with the YouTube greatness that is Liam Kyle Sullivan, then consider this to be your introduction. And while the muffins sketch is one of my favorites, he’s probably more well known on the Interwebs for his character, “Kelly” with her incurable addiction to “Shoes” and her tirade against “Text Message Breakups.”

I warn you now, these last two links are NSFW, so if you listen to them around coworkers, have your earbuds handy. Actually, most of Liam’s stuff is NSFW, a fact that is accentuated by the Margaret Cho seal of approval (she appears in several of the “Kelly” pieces).

If you enjoy what you see, check out Liam’s YouTube user section, where you can see more of his creations as well as more of the lovely Vampiress Heather from “Text Message Breakup” in her own series of vlogs.

Oh, and just for fun, here’s another work-safe video, to whet your appetite.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxStmceNTs8&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&border=1]

Peace out, betches.

Glory Days

Whoever said that you can’t go home again, I’m here to say bollocks! You most certainly can go home again. I do it all the time! Okay, maybe not all the time. I’m sure my mother would argue that I don’t do it quite often enough (of course, if she had her way, I would still be living with my parents, thus fulfilling the ultimate nerd stereotype).

Beer me up, Scotty
Beer me up, Scotty

I departed from the safety of the lair bright and early Friday morning, and remained off the Interwebs grid for most of the weekend. It was a delightful break, as it always is. My parental units still reside in their undisclosed North Carolina location, so I got to go Southern for the weekend, which is always a treat. First stop, of course, was the nearest Sonic, to satiate my Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper lust. Also, while down there, I replenished my supply of Cheerwine as well as sought out another six-pack of the official beer of the lair, White Wolf Golden Ale. I tend to enjoy the darker, richer side of the beer spectrum, but this is actually a pretty tasty ale (which was a great surprise, considering the fact that I only originally bought a bottle because of the obvious attraction to the name).

Oh, rewinding a little: Cheerwine is one of the staples of my childhood memories of summer vacation. That and Sundrop were the two drinks that we always brought back with us from visiting my grandparents. Not necessarily because they’re unique (Cheerwine is a cherry soft drink and Sundrop is a less syrupy Mountain Dew), but just because we couldn’t get them here in the Old Line State. Still can’t (although I found a store near my office that sold Cheerwine for a while).

I remember the summer when we couldn’t find Cheerwine. It was the second most traumatic summer vacation of my youth, surpassed only by the summer I was bitten by a dog. Yes, I love Cheerwine that much. It wasn’t until years later that I realized why we couldn’t find Cheerwine. Remember the red dye cancer scare in the 80s? Cheerwine was colored with that dye, just like the red M&Ms. Thankfully, Cheerwine wasn’t gone from our lives as long as the red M&Ms were.

Mr. Data, report!
Mr. Data, report!

For those of you who found your way back to the lair from my Angry BloggerTM days, you’ll be happy to know that my lovely Doodle-Cat, Mr. Data, is still chugging along. He’ll be 17 years old sometime in June. He looks a bit more bedraggled than he once did in his glorious fluffy kitty days, but I love him to death. He’s my sweet little gutter rescue. He’s a lot surlier than he was, but that’s allowed since he is now officially an old man. He just wants to be left to sleep on a comfy chair positioned in the afternoon sunlight and to be tolerated when he bites your elbow when he wants you to feed him or turn on the faucet in the kitchen sink. Nothing unreasonable, right?

This was also the trip that I finally decided to sort through all the boxes and bags that my parents transported with them from my old room when they moved. I had originally packed everything up in a hasty, half-assed sort of way, promising that I would go through everything once they were settled in their new place. This was almost five years ago. There was a lovely patina of attic dust all over everything (as well as the slightly mummified remains of a field mouse hidden beneath the piles of trash bags…eek!).

I was honestly surprised at how much fun I had going through my old stuff. I didn’t keep a whole lot from my adolescence, but I kept a lot more than I remembered. And, of course, the bulk of what I kept was delightfully geeky. I took plenty of photos, which I suspect will make excellent submissions for future “Flashback Friday” entries.

I also found two remnants from my high school days that I had completely forgotten I’d saved: my varsity jacket and my graduation cap and gown, complete with my National Honor Society collar (which still looks to me like one of those toilet seat sanitary rings you find in public restrooms). Yes, I was a geek/jock hybrid. Of course, at a school as small as the one from which I graduated, everyone sort of had to chip in and wear a multitude of different hats just to keep the ship from sinking (as if that would have been a terrible thing).

geek. jock. queen. docs.
geek. jock. queen. docs.

Strangely, I couldn’t find either my homecoming queen tiara or my senior yearbook. I must have them stored somewhere here in the lair. Where, though, I’m not quite certain…”Just hang a right at the Gates McFadden hypospray shrine, go straight until you see the Todd McFarlane Masters of Horror statues, then take a left. The tiara and yearbook should be somewhere around there, near the geek chic T-shirt rack.”

Of the high school things I found, I think the only thing that gave me a twinge of reminiscent joy was my varsity jacket. I loved that silly thing, with its pleather sleeves and all the pins on my letter. Here’s Loba Geeky Confession Number 8,648,097: I used to imagine that the bars were like TNG collar pips. As you can tell here, by the end of my high school sports career, I had reached the Starfleet rank of Captain (to go with the “real” Captain pins I earned). My increasingly creaky knees will attest to this ranking.

I suppose I should end this entry. I’m getting ready to break the 1,000 word barrier and all on utter silliness about my weekend. I will, however, leave you with the following as my parting shot. This was stuck to one of the drawers on my dad’s tool chest. It’s something he typed up while playing around with an old label maker that he found in his garage. See? I come by my geekiness quite honestly 😉

toolbox

Flashback Friday: DangerMouse

Penfold, shush.
Penfold, shush.

He’s terrific. He’s magnific. He’s the greatest secret agent in the world. Yes, my friends, he is the one and only, DangerMouse. Again, it’s all about the Anglophilia with me, isn’t it? It must be a terminal case if I choose this as the first cartoon to appear here, rather than the longest-lived animated love of my life. Ruh-roh.

DangerMouse, however, was not blessed with the longevity of my favorite childhood cartoon. He was unfortunately short-lived in popularity on this side of the pond. Although he and his bumbling sidekick, Ernest Penfold, led their valiant fight against Baron Silas Greenback and his henchman, Stiletto Mafiosa, for slightly more than a decade in the UK, I remember DM gracing our shores for only a fraction of that time, airing on the cable channel Nickelodeon for maybe 5 years (give or take a year; my memory is dodgy sometimes, especially when it comes to time, and years seem to melt together in my head like the colors in a bowl of rainbow sherbet).

I learned recently from one of my lovely English friends that DangerMouse is a spoof of an earlier British series, Danger Man, that starred a pre-Prisoner Patrick McGoohan. I don’t think the Man ever made it over here to the States, but the Mouse remains a staple of our pop culture. Ever hear of the group Gnarls Barkley? It comprises two musicians, one who goes by the nom de mix, DJ Danger Mouse. Apparently, he even used to do shows dressed as a mouse. No word, though, on whether he also wore an eye patch.

Let’s sidetrack here for a moment to talk a little more about Stiletto. See, until the Interwebs, I didn’t know that he had a last name. I also didn’t know that he wasn’t supposed to sound like a Cockney with un-descended testicles. Nickelodeon thought that calling him Stiletto Mafiosa and having him sound stereotypically Italian would be offensive to Italian-Americans. So they dropped the surname and made him sound stereotypically English…and kind of like he had a helium tank shoved up his bum.

First time I heard Stiletto with his real voice, I thought I’d been duped with a fake bootleg. I can’t locate a video or audio clip that contains this American version of Stiletto, which would have been great solely for the comedic comparison. I’ve also learned that Brits enjoy this bit of trivia as yet another reason to laugh at (not with) their somewhat dim-witted but every now and again good-intentioned American cousins.

Still, even with this politically correct silliness, DangerMouse remains a steadfast happy memory from my childhood. So much so that when I took my first hop across the pond, I went giddy girl apoplectic when I discovered a stall in Camden Town selling DangerMouse T-shirts. The image above is a shot of the front of said shirt. I wear it out and about here quite proudly, getting the occasional knowing nod from fellow cartoon geeks.

If you’ve never seen this wonderfully British cartoon, do rectify this immediately. Got a Netflix account? You can rent them. Love Amazon? You can buy them all on DVD (with the original Stiletto voice, of course).

Until then, here is DangerMouse’s theme song. Hope you enjoy!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrM0E9pag8E&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&border=1]

Stupid Is As Stupid Sexts

I can only imagine what the instigating text must look like: “shO me w@ uv got! b00b pix plz!!1!”

And what do the recipients of such a text do? Take the requested shots with their mobile phones and text them, or as I’ve learned through this article, “sext” them back, of course! I’m still not sure, though, when the common sense factor comes into play in this equation.

Look, we’ve all had lapses in judgment, and sometimes a camera is involved. Bourbon Street was home to some incredibly poor moments in Loba judgment and, yes, photo evidence does exist of said judgment lapses. Some involve test tube shooters and others involve a fellow reveler dressed as Hong Kong Phooey. I’m not telling you about any of the others.

Why tell you this at all? I suppose to acknowledge that everyone does stupid things (even your friendly neighborhood white wolf) that sometimes involve cameras that record moments you might not even remember until you’ve sobered up and seen the proof.

However, these cases involve not even one drop of booze. The only thing that seems to be incapacitating these teens is the combined absence of common sense and inhibition. And this particular cocktail is landing them in a whole shitload of trouble, including some who have landed on their state’s list of registered sex offenders. That is a stain that will follow you for the rest of your life.

What’s most disturbing about this article is the fact that detectives are finding evidence of sexting going on in elementary schools. The oldest you can be in elementary school, barring that you haven’t failed any grades, is 13.

I guess this is comparable to when I was a teen and the Internet was rapidly becoming the focus of our lives. We became the first truly plugged-in generation, doing things online that our parents had only considered possible in sci-fi books and shows. So they didn’t really know how to protect us from what was going on in that brave new world.

That’s only a partial excuse, though because, just like then, this latest trend in stupidity can fall into the “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should” file. Also, anyone who has grown up in this time of instant access knows that once you put it out there, there’s no way of getting it back, and it spreads with the destructive swiftness of a California brush fire. Some are even driven to suicide because of the fallout.

So, really, if you get a sext asking you “show us your bits!”? Don’t. It’s just that easy. Oh, and those Bourbon Street photos? I’ve got ’em. And, no, you can’t see them.

Facing A New Day

The two faces of Connie Culp
The two faces of Connie Culp

Modern medicine is AMAZING.

I continue to be as awed by these full face transplants as I was when I first heard of Isabelle Dinoire, the first person to undergo this reconstructive surgery.

Now, doctors have successfully performed the first face transplant here in the United States, on Connie Culp. Ms. Culp was severely deformed in 2004 after her husband shot her in the face with a shotgun. The blast obliterated the center of her face, leaving what almost looked like a meteor crater where her nose used to be.

I didn’t place any of the “before” photos here, because…I don’t know. Silly reasons, I suppose. It felt too exploitative (but writing about her on my blog apparently isn’t). but look at these side-by-side shots. Yes, the “new” Ms. Culp is in for a few more surgeries to tighten up some areas and smooth out others, but it’s just…amazing. She has a new outlook and a new face.

This is only the fourth full face transplant ever done, and so far the most comprehensive. Surgeons replaced 80 percent of her face with the donor face. This raises all sorts of questions. She’s 46 years old. For slightly more than 40 of those years, she saw the same face staring back at her in the mirror, and friends and family saw the same face looking at them. Then her total dick of a husband obliterated that person. Or at least the physical representation of that person.

What sort of psychological ramifications come along with these surgeries? What is it like to look into a mirror, knowing that it’s you, but not seeing your own face? How do you process the fact that you’re now looking at a stranger, about whom you knew nothing prior to their untimely death that has now granted you their face? What do you do if you ever encounter someone who knew that stranger?

My mind is abuzz with all sorts of Twilight Zone scenarios and stories, but then I pull back and remind myself that this isn’t some science fiction concept. This is real. Connie Culp has another person’s face and another chance to be as extraordinarily normal as she wants to be.

Like I said before: Modern medicine is AMAZING.

Cheeky AND Talented!

Photo from imagesafari.com
Photo from imagesafari.com

I love Peanuts comics. They’ve been a staple of my geeky life since I was a wee wolf. Even now, part of my morning ritual is to read the daily strip at Snoopy.com before I dive into my Secret Squirrel government work.

This ritual has been a bit derailed for the past few months (actually, it seems like it’s been this way since well before last Christmas). Snoopy.com is closed for upgrades, and so all traffic has been redirected to the Peanuts page of Comics.com. I suppose that’s acceptable, since it allows me to continue to get my daily dose of Chuck & Co. But I miss the official site.

So I thought I’d be sneaky and try other URLs related to Snoopy.com, just to see if maybe there was a way to see what’s going on behind the curtain (hey, it’s worked on other sites; why wouldn’t it work here?). I started with www.snoopy.net. What I got, instead of a sneak peek at the new Peanuts site, was an eyeful of happy.

Seems that a photographer in Ohio has purchased this URL and set it to redirect visitors to his own site, imagesafari. From what I’ve gathered, the photographer in question is Jon Anhold, and he’s been posting online since 2003. In fact, it looks like he started posting 10 days before incite.thought went live. Kismet? I think so.

I know very little about the mechanics of professional photography, but I do recognize what is aesthetically pleasing to my amateur eye. From that perspective, I think Jon’s photos are gorgeous. They’re wonderful compositions with rich, deep colors, beautiful use of natural and artificial lighting, and an ever-present sense of whimsy. The photo I use here is from his site. By no means is this ducky the best of what I saw, but it’s rubber ducky, dammit! He’s so fun…he makes bath time lots of fun…you know the rest, right?

Anyway. He also focuses on subjects that remind me very much of the kind of photos my dad loves to take: landscapes, flora, fauna, machinery, airplanes, cars. There’s a definite sense of comforting familiarity when I look at the pictures at imagesafari. So if you have some free time, I encourage you to go to imagesafari and see for yourself the eyeful of happy that greeted me during my failed attempt at Snoopy.com sneak-a-peekery.

50BC09: Book Number 12

circles

I’m a bit ambivalent about my latest read, Merrill Markoe’s Walking in Circles Before Lying Down.

These damned books with dogs on the covers. True, I mentioned Paul Auster’s Timbuktu as being one of these books that I really enjoyed. But they’re not all like Timbuktu. In fact, I think the publishing industry has figured out the perfect way to get someone like me to start reading a literature genre that I typically avoid like the plague: slap a dog photo on the cover.

What genre might this be? “Chick Lit.” To be fair, I think this book might qualify as Chick Lit Lite. It’s by no means on par with The Devil Wears Prada, but it definitely does more than just dip its big toe into those estrogen-heavy waters.

All that being said, I’m a sucker for talking dog stories. I was, after all, the only adult willingly in attendance at the Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed matinee a few years ago. So a story about a woman who suddenly finds herself able to hear every dog around her definitely has a certain appeal. And even though Dawn, the canine-conversing character in question, does things throughout the novel that I found frustratingly boiler-plate for this particular genre, it was still an entertaining read. However, I do have to say that I found the slightly glib use of Scott Peterson and the BTK Killer as ways of moving along one part of the story to be a bit off-putting.

Final score: 3.5/5. Another quick and fluffy-fun beach read to keep in mind this summer.

I’d give you a sneak peek at book number 13, but I’m not really sure what that book is just yet. Sadly, I have such a glut of unread books that I could probably do this 50 Book Challenge for the next 2 years and still have books left untouched. I really need to stay away from bookstores…

Forever Young?

WAY scarier than Chucky
WAY scarier than Chucky

I’m not the greatest when it comes to numbers. I admit this fact willingly. I harp on this fact, actually. It really helps when numbers issues come up at work; no one comes to Loba for number help. Loba like.

That being said, take a look at this quote from Hugh Jackman regarding his fear of dolls:

“When dolls come to life in films, that just freaks me out, I just can’t stand that. Chucky? Forget that. I remember when I was a little kid, and that little doll in the rocking chair going, ‘Take the girl right up the hill and kiss the girl goodbye’… I’m like, forget that! That freaks me out.”

Okay, the bold font in that quote is my emphasis. Little kid? Dude, you were born in 1968. Child’s Play came out in 1988. Since when did 20 years old qualify as “little kid” age?

Don’t get me wrong, Hugh. I still consider myself to be a big kid, too, even at 32. But…um…seriously? Child’s Play freaked you out? You’re supposed to be Wolverine, mate. This is something you maybe should have kept a bit closer to your muscly chest, no?

Now if you’d said clowns freaked you out, that would have been a completely different story. Clowns are fucking scary.

Poster Picks: Equus

Yes, because I do believe that it is my duty, as one possessing a degree in English, to bring a little more alliteration to your lives, I now bring you Poster Picks (to go along with Flashback Fridays and Gaming Glory).

I love clever posters. I think clever poster designs, however, are slowly dying under the weight of the generic “insert giant photo of star here; add movie/music/theater/television show name here; done” design. Perfect example: Look up the posters for the new Star Trek movie. Those are some of the most boring posters I have ever seen. Head shots of the actors. Wow. I hope the posters aren’t a true reflection of what we’re in for with the new movie. If they are, I better take a pillow.

Posters are supposed to be one of the marketing tools used to draw you in and make you want to see or hear whatever they’re advertising. A giant head shot of Chris Pine with trout pout is not a successful marketing tool. So this is why, every now and again, I’m going to submit to you all a poster that I think truly does justice to mad design skillz.

First submission: The artwork for the 2007 revival of the play Equus. This was Daniel Radcliffe’s chance to prove that he can do more than play with his wand. Er, kind of. I mentioned this poster in my last blog, but I adore this poster so much that it was the first that came to mind when I started thinking about starting this new segment. I don’t own this poster (later segments may focus on some of the pieces that I have purchased), but it is stunning.

I know that other posters from the series focused solely on photos of Radcliffe in various stages of undress, sometimes with a horse and sometimes with a female model…but this is by far the most provocative. It takes the standard celebrity shot and turns it into something hideously alluring. I love, for instance, how the shadows of Radcliffe’s arms become the horse’s ears, and the other bits of alignment between Radcliffe and the horse head that combine into some great PhotoShop morph work. Throw in a Christ-like pose and a horse snout where his groin should be, and you’ve got one hell of a disturbing piece of design work there.

And you know what? It did what it was supposed to do. Had I been in London at the time that this was on the West End (or in NYC when it hit Broadway), I absolutely would have gone to see this. Admittedly, it would have taken quite a bit of mental prep work to get beyond the fact that I would be viewing a former child actor showing me precisely what’s going on under his Hogwarts robes. But I think it would have been possible.

Anyway, I leave you with this amazing poster. Bask in its disturbingly beautiful glory.

equus